Distressing Lies about Marriage!

We all know that marriage can be a difficult undertaking. When two people come together in union, we do have two imperfect people who seek to be united in God and face life together. Yet, we also know that most people are misled. It may be through a book they have read, or a song they have heard, or the promise that a popular speaker has given. Sadly, these may be lies. They are untruths.

Just today, I read an advertisement for a book that I have not personally read. But the information had content that speaks to us. Let’s see what these explanatory comments are saying.  This information is about the book entitled, “All You Need is Love and Other Lies about Marriage.” Notice this:

Why is it so difficult to remain married in the twenty-first century, and what can you do about it? We all know that half of today’s marriages end in divorce, but we tend to believe that our own marriages are safe.

We think that one of the chief problems here is that most people are not indwelt by the Spirit of God. Most are not following the ways of the Lord. Most are not truly saved. How many are? We have no way of knowing, but we suppose that not more than one or two percent are actually saved. And when we have only a few people actually regenerated, with neither or only one truly in love with Jesus, there are bound to be huge problems. Do you truly know God through Christ? And what about your spouse?

We know that if you both know Jesus, the marriage will not “end in divorce” and it will not follow the crowd so that it is “difficult to remain married.” One of the problems here is that most marriages may be composed of either one person saved and the other person is not. Or neither party is truly saved. Such a union is bound to have problems—huge problems that are not that easily resolved!

Please make sure—doubly sure—that both you and your proposed spouse are truly saved! If you are not saved now, do all within your power to come to God, through the power of the Holy Spirit, and for the glory of Christ! Notice the continued description below:

As psychiatrist John Jacobs explains in this fresh and impassioned book, marriages today are incredibly fragile, and unless a couple understands what is making contemporary marriage so vulnerable to dissolution, the marriage is at risk.

We believe that this “fragility” of marriage is true. Things may seem good and well but, actually, their union is very easily broken and perhaps even dissolved. Please, don’t let this describe you!

Part of the problem is that people refuse to see how social and historical forces have changed the very meaning of marriage, causing serious interpersonal unhappiness.

Notice also: we know of only a few people who are part of an ultra-conservative group in which people seem to be able to have a unity. Granted, these may not truly be saved (although they must think they are), but they have in common a unity that they attribute to Jesus Christ. Supposedly, they have not dated before marriage, they have not shared sexual intimacies before marriage, and they have the same ultra-conservative lifestyle. They purpose to found their marriage on the “rock” of Jesus Christ. With this foundation, they can face the future with the help of God!

Because of increased longevity, married people live together longer than at any time in history. There’s been an erosion of the social and cultural forces that traditionally kept marriages together.

Yes, without many of these factors that society brings to us we think that marriages could be much more firm and committed.

Confusion over gender-role responsibilities, increased expectations of sexual satisfaction, and intense time pressures on couples to work and be successful all create marital stress.

How true. When it comes to “gender-role responsibilities,” sadly many couples don’t really understand or accept what Scripture says. They seem to be oblivious to the ways of God! About what? For example, how many marriages recognize that the husband is the “head” of the home? How many marriages recognize that the wife is to be submissive to a loving husband? (see Ephesians 5:22-33). So much more is involved in this but these factors would be leading ones.

As for sexual satisfaction, we wonder how many men have a totally wrong view of marriage. Perhaps they have viewed pornography. Perhaps the couple have had relations with other parties. Perhaps they have seen movies or been to secular college classes that have given them a totally wrong perspective of marriage—and of the unity found within marriage!

And yet, most people don’t acknowledge the problems in their marriage until it is too late. We tend to believe in the “lies of marriage” — such concepts as soul mates, unconditional love, that children improve a relationship, that the sexual revolution has made marital sex more pleasurable, or that egalitarian marriage offers couples easy solutions — and forget to engage in the constant hardwork required to keep our marriages alive.

These “lies” of marriage that are part of many (most) contemporary marriages pull the fabric of a marriage apart. Husbands and wives, with ideas that come to them from secular and worldly moves, TV, books, magazines, friends, and education, seem to have a totally wrong idea of marriage! Instead of following the Biblical ways, they assume that other young people are like them and have the same misguided ideas that they do. How wrong!

Dr. Jacobs believes that most marriages have significant problems at some time, but until we recognize the new realities of marriage and develop the skills required to sustain a loving, intimate relationship, marriages are at risk. Of course marriage is about love. But that’s just the beginning.

While this author (Jacobs) may not have the whole story, he seems to have some idea of the magnitude of the issues. Modern marriages indeed often fall apart and it is no secret why.

These marriages do not have the Lord Jesus Christ and His way of living at the center. It is better for two godly persons (a man and a woman) to learn of the ways of God first—while they are yet unmarried. It is also good for them to have fellowship with a conservative assembly of saints, each man and woman of whom knows God and follows His ways. It is good for them to even be brought up in the ways of God from the very beginning—when the assembly is composed of two or three (or at least ten or twelve), and to make a good marriage a part of their training as well as a deliberate choice to follow the Lord in life—and in marriage.

We do hope that you will do all within your grasp to do the will of God and follow His ways—in life and in every other pursuit. And we urge you to make your marriage a truly Christ-centered, God-filled, and Bible-based one!

–Richard Hollerman