Seeking God:

My Life through the Years

Part 19

In our last installment, we were living in south Fort Worth in an empty house that overlooked a city park. Some of the time I would run around this area and some time I would also run in the neighborhood.

Finally, the time came for a change that would affect me immensely. I refer to when the owner chose to sell his property—and I think you can guess where that left me. I again had to find a place to live. This would not have been too difficult if the house had been empty and I had plenty of money, but (remember) the house was now filled with books, bookcases, equipment, literature, and so forth. Thus, I again looked and looked.

I ran an ad in the newspaper and finally a woman, perhaps 5 miles away, answered and sought to convince me that she had a house that would be usable. I was cautious about this for I had been disappointed with the past two house-hunting situations. Yet I visited the place and thought it might work. It as not ideal but it was the best I could do under these circumstances. I repeatedly told her that I needed a place that would not only accommodate my library, my equipment, and other needed things. She assured me that she would want me to move to her property and would not have me move away.

I decided to go and therefore I began to box everything up for the move. Through much difficulty, I did prepare for the move and hired men to help me to transfer everything. Thus I went to this new place (along Seminary Drive and another street) and unloaded the truck and placed all of the things. I could once again work at this location, with God’s help. Each day I would use the house, study at the school, and so forth. I would also have the blessing of running in the early morning at a park probably a half mile away. Of course, I could not afford to continue my courses.

This went on for a year and then it happened! This owner called and said that she needed her house back. What was I to do? I had asked (when I was looking for quarters) if I could say for a long period. I prayed and prayed but God did not provide. Thus, I began to place newspaper ads—in five different newspapers. In fact (and this may surprise you or at least you may be incredulous), I placed 103 ads in the newspapers! I was down to the end of the waiting period that this lady had given to me. I wasn’t able to continue my studies or writing or publishing—as you might imagine.

No one had a favorable phone call in spite of the 103 different newspaper ads. One man called (anonymously) and said something like, “Why don’t you just get a job!” Of course, this is what I had done but I was very low income and couldn’t afford to continue. What was I to do? I knew of nothing else. What would you do? Of course, I notified the few people whom I knew but they could offer no advice or tangible help. I even called a church nearby and the person who answered gave his condolences and that was it.

On the given day, I rented another truck, hired men to help, and began the move. I loaded the rental truck and went to the local storage facility and rented the two largest places they had. LaWayne and Doneta Guengerich (the proprietors of the local storage place) were so helpful and understanding! As you can imagine, this was an arduous undertaking and mentally (as well as physically) I was exhausted. With all of my boxes, clothes, and books now moved, I had nothing. Nothing but the car.

Although this was not a good decision, what else could I do? I began to live in my car! I parked the car in front of the house I had rented for the past year but the owner then forced me to move! Thus, I began to park my car in various parking places or at the school where I had attended four or five years earlier. I would sleep on the back seat or even in the trunk. Although this was a difficult arrangement, I somehow lifted my heart to God and pleaded with Him to help. I didn’t know what the future held, but I knew who held the future! Even at the storage place, I lifted my heart to God and sang!

This was not ideal but it seemed to work. I would park the car along the street at the school (or another place), then used their lunchroom, then I went to the library to study and write. Sometimes I would rent the library typewriters (this was available in those days). I would wash and dry my clothes in a Laundromat. Also, I would go to a supply of food at the storage place or in the car. The school didn’t seem to mind this arrangement—if they even knew what I was doing. However, in late November, it got so cold that I felt that I couldn’t do this anymore. Now what was I to do? I remember that God had said, “With the temptation [or trial]” God would “provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it” (1 Corinthians 10:13). I depended on this promise. By the way, I have explained this quite thoroughly for I realize that not many of you have experienced this sort of problem yourself.

One day I went to work and as soon as I arrived, it was said that someone attempted to break into the building but the alarm sounded and this unknown man quickly left. This place now needed either to live with this vulnerability or find someone to watch over the place at night. I talked to the president and asked if I could stay there—and he agreed! Thus, here I was, in a tall, three story old brick building, in a difficult area of town, but it was a place to live! And I “lived” there for some 4 ½ years!

I can recall how the people would leave in the evenings and I would immediately go to “bed” and awaken early in the morning. I had to be out before others arrived. And in the weekend, things were different. The place was open Saturday morning then one by one people would leave. After three in the afternoon, I was “free” until Monday morning. I would do much, much writing (in an empty room), studying, and much more. Later on Saturday and Sunday, I would walk and walk on the second floor (after the alarms were set), sometimes looking out the windows to a cold and lonely downtown, with barely anyone moving. I would weep and lift my voice to God and cry out to Him.

I just could not understand why things were as they were. I could afford no house, no apartment, and could only afford to eat and put gasoline in the car. I knew no one. The ones I knew had seemingly deserted me. My only hope and consolation was the God had not deserted me—but loved me. Yet I must confess that it was hard.  I knew that this was not the way to live.  For the devoted follower of Christ, there must be another way!

I had envisioned a thriving body of believers with whom to have sweet fellowship—but there was none. I had wanted brothers and sisters, with children, all seeking God and doing His will—but there was none. What was wrong? I was getting older by the day and year and I could see no way out. But there must be something beyond this. I knew of John 10:10 but where could I find the “abundant life” that God had for me?

Hopefully, I’ll continue with a change this coming installment.