Seeking God

My Life through the Years

(Part No. 14)

Back in eastern Pennsylvania, I was in familiar territory to some degree. I had not been able to find a place to settle down through the massive mailing I had done and was not able to find employment. Thus, I was seeking work. First, I did a lot of office work. Along with this, I did some driving (using a pickup truck) in driving to Georgia. When these two sources of income “dried up” I resorted to looking for work. This I was able to find at a textile manufacturing company where I worked in the packing department. It was something that I could conscientiously do for they were good products, wholesome products, and I was able to work quickly and thereby earned more than I otherwise could.

However, this went on and on and I was reminded that this was not at all what I wanted. It was not what I had trained for and not what I wanted for my life work. I had other plans and if you have read previous parts of this “life story” you know what they were. So I simply endured the situation, month after month. I would go home and study and look for other types of work—then pray. Also, although I didn’t run, I had an exercycle that I used for at least a half hour a day. I realize that this wasn’t the solution, but it may have helped.

While I was living in the used mobile home in Ephrata, Pennsylvania, I expanded my library. This went on for the following decades. Thousands of books where added, by God’s grace. I continued with an insatiable desire to learn–and this went on year after year. I could see that professing “Christians” around me and of my acquaintance claimed to know God’s will but I discovered that this was quite elusive. They claimed to know God and His truth, but this was very far from actual fact.

In fact, I began to fill the little rooms of the mobile home with books and literature. I ordered hundreds of tracts, books, and so forth. This went on when I later moved to Fort Worth, Texas. I earnestly wanted to know the will of the Lord and this desire continued over the following decades. (As I write this some years later, my library fills various rooms.) I want to know God’s will! I could see that this was needed in 1958 when I first left the Lutheran Church and I can see that it is doubly needed now, as I write.)

During this time, I got permission from the management to go to school. I did this for about 2 ½ years—at about 30 miles away in a small town. This kept me somewhat busy in study and learning even though it was not the complete answer to my needs.

Also, at this time, a family I had known years before came back from several years in Kenya, Africa, and various ones resorted to them. I began teaching at a little church nearby until they realized that I was using the New American Standard Bible rather than their favorite King James Version. Because of this, they didn’t invite me to return. I went nearby to teach on Friday nights and sometimes on the Lord’s day. I wasn’t the only teacher, but this was a very fulfilling time. Even though I didn’t particularly enjoy the “packing” work in the shipping department, still the time at the school was a learning experience and also the time teaching with the small congregation. I was supported and was able to continue at my mobile home. I had outfitted it for a very close study area, with file cabinets, with many rows of shelving, and the like.

During this time, God enabled me and Paul (the returned missionary) to leave for Kenya in East Africa. While there we did much visiting of Paul’s earlier converts and taught at least one week-long presentation of God’s Word. I had carefully prepared for this at an earlier time and Paul had as well. It seemed that we worked well together but, all too soon, it seemed that it came to an end. We stopped at London on the way home and I walked the streets and also got to know the subway system. That night I went to a used book store I had earlier dealt with (long distance) and loaded up with British books.

In time, I ceased the time at the school (after 2 ½ years) and it was a learning time. I devoted my time to people. This went on month after month. In time, I could see that the “brothers and sisters” there (?) were not endorsing or enjoying my service, thus I moved to the west to Morrison, Illinois (in the north-western part of the state), after one brother had departed. I suppose I stayed there for about five months then took a tour of places to the south. This included a “Christian” college (just today or yesterday I learned that they had appointed a woman to be their new president). What a shock. At one time this was a relatively conservative institution but no more! I then I returned to Eastern Pennsylvania.

It was not the same as it had been a year or two earlier. This time I did no teaching. And I didn’t even break bread with them. At this time, I can say that it was a very trying time—without fellowship, without the same sort of work, without teaching, and so forth. I continued my reading and studying as I was able.

Earlier, before my stay toward the west at Illinois, each Friday I would load up the car with young people and drive the distance to Boyertown. This required 40 miles to the young people, 40 miles to the destination, forty miles to drop off the young people, and forty miles home. But this 160 miles was worth it and I was busy with what I wanted to do. The hardest part was the sleepiness in driving home!

During the main part of the time there, I was involved in a couple of weddings. But, now as I look back, I think that I didn’t really teach as I should have. Perhaps I should have been more earnest in my teaching, more informative in what I had presented, more interesting in my outreach, and more active in helping and blessing and teaching. How I wish I could change this now!  In time, people began to drift away. Part of this was logical. They were young and often they were single (but some did marry). I and the other evangelists should have taught more in a practical way—with marriage, with child-raising, with so many different areas.

Why do I say this? As I later learned after a year, two years, or several years, many of these same young people divorced and even remarried. There was no cause for this adultery but it happened. Many went off to different ecumenical groups, giving up the diligent teaching that I thought they had been given. Thus, I must say that I failed in all of this, and so did the several other teachers fail. Today, the whole group has disbanded or many are living in adultery or apostasy. We learn something over the years, don’t we! What could have been done? I don’t know but something more than we did.

The last half year or year there were miserable times for me. The once enjoyable and busy times of fellowship were changed into a lack of fellowship. Granted, a few people seemed to want me to remain but I knew that some of the others seemed to want be gone. It is somewhat difficult to continue when some of the “important” ones seemed to be of a different mind than that which was there when all began. Even at this time, I don’t seem to be able to work all of this out in my thinking, however as the time went by, it became more and more strained and difficult to continue under these circumstances.

Therefore, it was time to leave. Perhaps something would develop in the future but at this time, it seemed to be the part of wisdom to leave. I think I interviewed about nine people and perhaps five wanted things to continue as at present and four thought it wise that I go. I decided to leave. Various factors entered into this decision.

Toward the end of my stay there, I walked late at night (as I often did) to see the stars and blackened sky. But I went to the cemetery and took a seat in the middle of this place. I lifted my heart to the Lord and asked God for His guidance for my present, my move, and the future. I think that no one understood the dynamics of the circumstances—and I’m not sure that I did either.

The next time I’ll plan to share what happened after this difficult time.