Qualities of Women
Richard Hollerman
Everyone who seeks to please God should be greatly concerned about what He has said in His divine Word, the Bible. If it were not for God’s Word, we simply would not know what to believe and how to live so as to please Him. In fact, when Paul the apostle, speaks of how the woman of God is to live, he makes reference to “good works” that should characterize her life. In order to root this, he writes that this is “proper for women making a claim for godliness” (1 Timothy 2:10). Let’s ask how the woman who seeks “godliness” is to live her life in a wicked world! What is really “proper” for women who seek to be godly?
We could inquire about those traits that should be found in the man of God today. In fact, this is our plans as we continue this study. We have written much about this on my website (www.Truediscipleship.com). But, for now, let’s ask about the Christian woman. How is she described in the Scriptures? How is her inner and outer qualities described?
We would do well to add this. Every woman who is aged 20 or 30 or 70 or 80 began as a baby and then a young girl. Thus, it is important for a girl—a female—who is aged 10, 12, 14, or 16 to know how to seek God in the formation of her character. We are not saying that it is “too late” for an older woman to work on her character. (In fact, God does want every woman of 30, 40, 50, 60, or older, to seek a godly character.) But we all must admit that the older a person becomes, the more difficult it will normally be to change that character and grow in godliness or true holiness. So let every young girl and woman who reads these lines determine—under God—to pursue holiness and every feminine quality to please the Lord her Creator and Father! This will be a character that will continue through life.
Whether we speak about certain feminine “qualities” or “characteristics” or “traits,” we refer to how the woman is described in Scripture. If you are a woman, we urge you to take note of what the Bible says and how God would want you to be described and how He would want you to live. None of us is absolutely sinless and perfect (aside from deceived who think that they can arrive at a state of absolute perfection or sinlessness!). Thus, we all need to strive for increasing degrees of holiness in life.
In order to get some idea of those feminine qualities that God treasures (and most of these qualities will be applicable to the godly man as well), let’s go to 1 Peter 3:1-6 and proceed from there. This is a description of the Christian woman married to an unbeliever but much is fully applicable to all women—whether married or not.
1 Peter 3:1-2 says: “In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedience to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior.”
First, the Christian woman is to develop the difficult but essential quality of submissiveness. This, of course, may be a difficult trait to develop but it is so important. It is mentioned again and again in God’s Word, as we know (cf. 1 Corinthians 11:3-12; Ephesians 5:22-24; Colossians 3:18; 1 Timothy 2:9-15; Titus 2:3-5). Although most women totally reject this quality (including deluded theologians and other professing Christian men and women), it is an absolute necessity and one that God finds delightful. Since He is Creator, He should know what pleases Him.
The passage also refers to seeking to convert the unbelieving or disobedient husband (1 Peter 3:1-2). Thus, this woman is to be what has been called “evangelistic” or one who seeks the salvation of her husband. Obviously, she should seek the eternal welfare of all others and not merely her husband. And this seeking to save her husband must be done carefully while still maintaining a submissive spirit!
Further, the woman in our examination is to have a behavior that compliments her internal attitudes. The verse speaks of winning the unbelieving husband by the “behavior” of the wife. Let’s ask: Wife, is your behavior what it should be? God not only looks at the heart but also the outward behavior. And this behavior must proceed from a heart that is pure, surrendered, godly, and holy. It will totally “turn off” a husband (whether a believing one or an unbelieving one) if he detects any hypocrisy or insubmissiveness or “bossyness”! The woman will be a hypocrite if she claims to be saved and have a relationship with God but her behavior is not pure, chaste, or submissive!
Notice also that the believing wife may possibly reach her unsaved husband without a word. It is totally hypocritical for a wife to make a pretense of godliness but then allow her mouth to either speak too much, or speak words of ungodliness, or speak with a cruel and worldly tongue! (Ephesians 4:29 and 4:32 and Colossians 3:8). Dear sister, what is your speech like? If it is not feminine or godly, we urge you to change this by the help of God!
You might also notice that the woman is to display a “chaste” and “respectful” behavior. W. E. Vine says that “chaste” comes from the Greek hagnos which means “pure from every fault, immaculate” (see also Philippians 4:8; 1 Timothy 5:22; 2 Corinthians 7:11; James 3:17; 1 John 3:3). Sister, is your behavior “pure from every fault, immaculate”? Now is the time to change through the Holy Spirit!
Further, the passage says that the godly woman is to have a “respectful” behavior. (See also W. E. Vine on this word.) So many women say good things and profess their worthiness, but their outward actions betray a spirit that fails to manifest a respectful attitude toward their husband or to other people. We might remember that Paul also makes this command: “The wife must see to it that she respects her husband” (Ephesians 5:33b).
One may reply that the husband is not actually “respectful,” thus how can the wife express a “respectful” attitude? While the husband will surely give an account for his ungodliness and sinful attitudes and behavior (cf. 2 Corinthians 5:10), Scripture would also say that the wife must be “respectful” regardless of his behavior. She is to be respectful in attitude even when he fails to have a submissiveness to God and His will.
Our passage continues by commanding the woman to not concentrate on “external” adornment (such as braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses) but she is to pursue a change of inner attitudes! Peter says, “Let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God” (1 Peter 3:3-4). Sometimes this “inner person” is visible and sometimes it is not. Regardless, God looks at the woman’s heart and soul and knows her attitudes and disposition.
This passage then says that she is to have a “gentle” and “quiet” spirit. The first term “describes the way in which such a wife submits to her husband’s demands and intrusions by docile and gentle cooperation.” The second term “describes her complementary and constant attitude, and the character of her action or reaction towards her husband and towards life in general. She shows no sign of rebellion or resentment, fuss or flurry” ( A. M. Stibbs and A. F. Walls, Tyndale NT Commentary, p. 125). Interestingly, the second term (hesuchios) indicates “’tranquility arising from within’ causing no disturbance to others.” It is “to characterize the spirit or disposition” (W. E. Vine).
Therefore, Peter urges the Christian woman to have a gentleness and a quietness. Sadly, this is the very opposite of what we find in worldly society, where women are not at all gentle and not at all quiet! In fact, they often (or usually) are the very opposite of these godly attitudes. This is a very important instruction! Especially is it vital in this world where surely at least 90 percent or possibly 95 percent or more of women are not gentle or quiet!
Peter then refers to the “holy” women of old who “hoped in God.” They also were “submissive to their own husbands” (1 Peter 3:5). They are to be “holy” or separated from the world and from evil. Further, one way they are to be known is that of submissiveness (which we already saw in verse 1). Do you seek to be holy and submissive yourself?
Verse 6 of 1 Peter 3 refers to Sarah who “obeyed” Abraham, “calling him lord.” As we can see, very few women today are willing to “obey” their husbands! In fact, generally the husband may obey his wife! This definitely is not a patriarchal society. Instead it may be an egalitarian society or even a feminist society. How sad. But God definitely says that the godly women is to “obey” her husband. (Obviously, there is a limit here. In fact, we have written several articles on our website that would contend that a woman must refuse to “submit” to ungodly demands of a worldly husband! See www.Truediscipleship.com and type in “submissive” in the search engine.)
We then have reference to the wife who is to “do what is right without being frightened by any fear” (1 Peter 3:6). Instead of submitting to this straightforward command, many or even most women are willing to violate what is right. They may do what is wrong. In other words, they may actually be sinful instead of insisting on the right! Finally, the apostle says that they are not to be frightened by any “fear.” When a woman either submits to a husband’s rightful will or refuses to submit to a sinful husband’s ungodly demands, she may be “frightened.” Instead of this, she is to trust in God’s will and ways.
As we come to the end of this passage of Scripture (without going to other passages, especially in Paul’s letters) we can see that Christian wives are very, very different from the way women behave themselves today. Whether in attitude or in behavior, women generally are insubmissive, immodest, masculine, and fail to be the kind of women that Peter describes and commands in this passage.
If you are a young woman in her twenties or later, we encourage you to be the kind of wife that God describes in this passage. If you are even older, perhaps you have spent all of your life for the past fifty or seventy years violating the plain instructions of 1 Peter 3:1-6. And if you happen to be a young woman, perhaps in her teen years and you are not married yet, we urge you to read over this passage from time to time (or even memorize and meditate on it). Now is the time for you to see what God wants for you and to determine that you will do God’s will from the heart so that you may please Him and so that you may influence others for their good! Be willing to live your life different from the way that surely some 95 percent of women do! Be distinctive for the Lord!