Previous Marriage and Death?

Question Asked

I was married to a second husband and we were thus living in adultery. He has now died and I want to get right with God. How can I be forgiven and how should I proceed?

Answer

It is good that you want to rectify your past life and be forgiven of your years of adultery. We know that this whole situation must be difficult for you, for being with a person (even if it should be adulterous) for years can bring a bond that has now been broken.

We hope that you will look back over your life and see where you went wrong and entered a relationship that God says is adulterous. We believe that there are others who have placed themselves in the same situation—For example, widow who recognizes that she was living in adultery with a second husband or a widower who recognizes that he was living in adultery with a second wife.

Here are a few comments we urge you to consider:

  1. Do not be like the majority and try to justify any adultery you committed with a second spouse. Remember that Jesus said, “Whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery” (Matthew 19:9). Adultery is serious and will keep one out of the Kingdom of God (1 Corinthians 6:9-10; Hebrews 13;4). The same would be true of a woman married to another man (even though some might say that a woman is not permitted to divorce under any circumstance).
  1. Don’t seek to minimize this past sin by saying that your heart was right and just assume that you were pleasing to God. God delights in a humble spirit that admits wrongdoing. (See Proverbs 28:13.)
  1. Since your spouse has died, don’t assume that the past adulterous relationship is now acceptable. Remember that even though the actual relationship and the adultery is past, God looks at your heart and knows what you believe, what you want, and what you were to do again if you had the opportunity (Matthew 5:27-28; 1 John 3:14-15).
  1. It surely would be hard for you to do, but recognize that this relationship was adulterous and you must abhor it, not long for it, not seek to justify it, or wish that it could be again. If it was sinful (and you admit that it was), then you must loath the sin of adultery and wish that you had not committed it.
  1. When God forgives you, do all that you can to warn others of this sin and even help them to avoid it. As Jude writes, “Save others, snatching them out of the fire; and on some have mercy with fear, hating even the garment polluted by the flesh (v. 23).
  1. If there was any benefit (financial or otherwise) involved in your relationship, be willing to turn from this. Since this financial benefit came from sin, do not go through the remainder of your life with a justification for it. If it was wrong, turn from it—regardless of the grievous benefits of the sin.

We know that more could be said about this matter, but this is sufficient to help you to work through your past with some sanity. We know that probably most previously-married people (who were in a second adulterous union) seek to justify their past and are content with their benefit from the past, it must not be so with you. Regardless of the deception that most embrace, be willing to be different. Remember that this will soon be past and eternity lies out before you. This demands a sober spirit, sane thinking, and a Biblical outlook. (Matthew 25:46)

–Richard Hollerman