In a Relationship?

Richard Hollerman

I don’t know about you, but so often I receive a message from someone (an unknown person) who says that he or she is “in a relationship” with someone. What does this mean? I can be in a relationship with a man or a woman. But I can be in a sexual (even an immoral) relationship with a man or a woman. What is it?

Years ago I was taking a class and I publicly used the term “fornication.” As I recall the incident, the teacher (who was quite secular and evil herself) was greatly offended by my use of “fornication.” She said that this was old fashioned and too Biblical. Instead, she thought that a more socially acceptable term would be better if I must use it!

Have you had such a email or text sent to you? Or, in some other way, have you received a message that is signed by someone who claims to be “in a relationship”? Maybe you know better than I and perhaps you know what this means. On the one hand, someone could be entirely innocent and claims that he or she is “in a relationship” with another party. On the other hand, we have the strong impression that this unknown person is actually committing fornication with another person. Could it be this way with you? Could it be this way with the person you are in contact with?

We know that God says that when one knows another person, He forbids these two from any sexual contact. For instance, Paul the inspired apostle commands us, “Abstain from sexual immorality” (1 Thessalonians 4:3). The apostle continues, “. . . Each of you know how to possess his own vessel [body] in sanctification and honor, not in lustful passion, like the Gentiles who do not know God” (Ibid., vv. 4-5). Thus, we know that it is wrong and sinful for a woman or a man to have any sexual contact with the opposite sex. To do this, the person commits fornication or premarital sexuality.

Why is it so difficult for a person to refuse to indulge in sexual contact before marriage (not to speak of sexual contact within marriage—which would be adultery)? Why can’t a woman (for instance) remain pure before marriage by refusing to indulge in a sexual relationship with a man? On the other hand, why can’t a man remain pure before marriage by refusing to indulge in a sexual contact with a woman before they are legally and rightfully one?

At this point, we really don’t know whether “in a relationship” that we read about is trying to say that they indulge in sexuality without being married. We suspect that this is so. On the other hand, we don’t want to wrongfully accuse a person of immoral sex before and apart from marriage. In some cases, this may be the case. But we do suspect that such a couple are actually committing unlawful and immoral sex apart from marriage. If this describes you, we urge you to do several things:

  1. Consider whether you really want a marital relationship with such a person.
  2. Look at your own life and ask whether you are actually married to a legitimate spouse and that this is one that you should be pursuing.
  3. If the person we are discussing is a good choice for a marriage partner, what is to keep you from marrying him or her relatively soon?
  4. If you are convinced that this person is correct for you and neither of you is bound to another person, it would probably be wise to become united to the person relatively soon.
  5. Make sure that this person with whom you have a “relationship” is actually one that God would approve.
  6. It may well be good to cease “advertising” yourself as a person who is “in a relationship” since this can be misunderstood to mean that you do have sexual contact with the person even though you are not married to him or her.
  7. Seek advice or counsel from your father and mother before you proceed further.
  8. Seek counsel from a wise and experienced brother and/or sister before you proceed further.
  9. These are some points of counsel for your situation as it now is. Maybe it would be wise to break off the “relationship” at least until you are more settled in your mind and heart.

We encourage you to obtain a thorough Bible concordance and read what it says about these matters. In this way, you will be able to receive God’s counsel about marriage, fornication, and the like. You will then be prepared to make a decision with the help of the Lord.