Families Divided! Comments

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Families Divided!

27 Comments

  1. The family divided article made my discernment from The Holy Spirit clear especially on the division between true believers and their opponents.

    My question:

    A younger sister of mine constantly causes division when we ( her, myself and our older sister) plan a lunch date, movie night or a family-get-together.

    Our mother and older sister ALWAYS defends her actions. However, she consistently targets my participation in our sister lunches or other forms of fellowship through manipulation , lies and other tactics that are fueled by her hatred for me. What should I do or say to keep our sisterhood together?

    • Hello Lisa…. It is good to hear from you. I can see that you do have a conflict in your family and you don’t know what to do.

      First, Lisa, are you a Christian? A true Christian? if you are not or if you are not sure, this is something that you need to examine. How sad it would be for you to seek unity as a family when you, yourself, are not one with God through Jesus Christ.

      If you do know God and united to Him, it would be important for you to seek God’s blessing and help in this turmoil. We do know that God wants unity in a family, generally. However, if you are not actually united with your family members because they are not united to Christ, this is something to pray about. And also something to work to. See 2 Corinthians 6:14-18; Luke 21:16; Matthew 10:34-38).

      May God bless you, Lisa, as you seek God’s will in this situation and do whatever is needed with His help (Luke 6:46; Matthew 7:21-23).

  2. TMB, you might be interested in an article (that I didn’t write) just put up on the website that discusses the meaning of fornication and whether this is related or not related to lust in general. It also discusses adultery as it is related to fornication. I thought you might be interested. May God bless you. https://truediscipleship.com/is-lust-fornication/

  3. Hello Richard – I have been married for almost 16 years. My wife was married twice prior – I have not been previously married. Her first husband committed adultery against her with a woman that he eventually married after my wife divorced him for continual unrepentant adultery. My wife then remarried and ended up divorcing her second husband for unrepentant pornography – he would stay up all night watching porn. I believe her first divorce was scriptural, as her first husband was in known unrepentant adultery with another woman (they had a child together 1 month older than the child he fathered with my wife, who I adopted immediately after we got married). My question is this – we don’t know for sure that her second husband actually committed adultery physically with another woman – would the porn be grounds for divorce, as Jesus mentions looking with lust is adultery? It would break my heart to have to divorce my wife, as we have 2 young children together, but I want to be obedient to God. If separation is necessary, would abstaining from all sexual activity, while continuing to live in the home in a separate room be sufficient (I desperately want to continue to be in the home for my kids), or would divorce be necessary in your view – and if divorce is necessary, would continuing to live in a separate room in the home as a support to both my wife and kids be scripturally acceptable? I appreciate your thoughts on this complicated matter.

    • Hello TMB. Thank you so much for writing and sharing your painful letter. Let me take the comments in your letter, then I will reply with my own comments interspersed in your comments:

      My comments finished on July 8, 2018
      Question from reader—July 2, 2018
      Hello friend. I appreciate so much your evident respect for the will of God and your desire to trust and obey Him in all things. I assume that you have read some of the things on the True Discipleship website dealing with divorce and remarriage, thus I also assume that this is one reason for your question. Let me make a few comments below in regard to your sincere and touching letter.
      Hello Richard – I have been married for almost 16 years. My wife was married twice prior – I have not been previously married. Her first husband committed adultery against her with a woman that he eventually married after my wife divorced him for continual unrepentant adultery. My wife then remarried and ended up divorcing her second husband for unrepentant pornography – he would stay up all night watching porn.
      As you must know, there are different views on marriage, divorce, and remarriage. Some of these can be not only difficult but complex. I notice that you are saying that this present situation is complex, and it definitely is. I detailed all of this in an article dealing with divorce and remarriage, with the title, “A Preliminary Study of….” I show that there are different views dealing with this matter. See this on the website. As you probably know, there is another longer but important article on the website entitled something like, “The Amazing Truth of Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage.” If you haven’t read either or both, it would be very wise to read both of them at this time.
      One of the more restrictive views says that one should never divorce his wife or a wife should not divorce her husband—for any reason. Further, a variation here is that a wife is never permitted to divorce her husband but a husband may divorce his wife, under Biblical circumstances. And, of course, there is a less restrictive view that a man may divorce his wife on the grounds of unrepentant adultery with another. Others would add to this the question of desertion. So there are some views that are highly restrictive and others that are more unlimited. You continue:
      I believe her first divorce was scriptural, as her first husband was in known unrepentant adultery with another woman (they had a child together 1 month older than the child he fathered with my wife, who I adopted immediately after we got married).
      (Generally most would consider this Scriptural. I’ve always considered this to be a grounds for divorce, although I see the strength in the more conservative position.)
      I personally do hold to the view that one may divorce an unrepentant spouse if he or she has committed adultery. But I also know of some weaknesses to this view.
      If adultery is a grounds for divorce, one should be absolutely sure that the REASON or GROUNDS of divorce is (unrepentant) adultery and not just a situation that grieves or harms but isn’t the real reason for the “putting away.”
      My question is this – we don’t know for sure that her second husband actually committed adultery physically with another woman – would the porn be grounds for divorce, as Jesus mentions looking with lust is adultery?
      Friend, I think that surely Jesus is speaking about literal adultery and not figurative adultery here. Although committing adultery with another person other than one’s spouse is discussed, Jesus is not speaking of figurative adultery here (as in Matthew 5:27-30).
      An illustration may help. In Genesis 9:6-7 we read of the execution of one who has murdered another. But in 1 John 3:15, we learn that hatred is like murder. Yet we wouldn’t want to execute one who is guilty of “mental” killing here who has hated another. While hatred surely will send one to hell, this is not the intent of Genesis 9. Literal murder is being discussed in Genesis 9 just as literal adultery is being discussed at Mark 10:11-12 and elsewhere. Of course, this is not to minimize the sin of pornography and lust. It is a shameful and despicable sin, a sin of hatred (against the wife) and wickedness. It must utterly grieve the wife who learns that her husband has rejected her and prefers to view the naked bodies of other women. So this surely is sin, but is it really what Jesus is speaking about in Matthew 5:31-32; 19:9; Mark 10:11-12; Luke 16:18; and is being discussed elsewhere (cf. Romans 7:2-3)?
      It would break my heart to have to divorce my wife, as we have 2 young children together, but I want to be obedient to God. If separation is necessary, would abstaining from all sexual activity, while continuing to live in the home in a separate room be sufficient (I desperately want to continue to be in the home for my kids), or would divorce be necessary in your view – and if divorce is necessary, would continuing to live in a separate room in the home as a support to both my wife and kids be scripturally acceptable? I appreciate your thoughts on this complicated matter.
      I’ve known of this being done and they must have chosen this alternative for the same reasons that you mentioned. Of course, I am not God, thus I don’t have this all worked out. But there are also drawbacks:
      1. The neighbors and others might think that continuing sexual activity is being carried on in your house if you continued to live there.

      2. It would be a tremendous temptation to you if you were to be in the same house and used the same restroom as your wife.

      3. What effect would this have on your children?

      Those matters come to mind but probably there are others.
      Friend (I don’t know your name), I realize that this must be a very troubling matter for you. And you must be losing sleep over this issue. I’ve shared your comments with a few others (obviously, they don’t know you). One person says that everything of the past is now gone and one shouldn’t be bothered with it. In other words, if one is sorry for the past and begins life anew, then forget the past and press on. One person pointed out that the 3,000 on Pentecost must have come from backgrounds, some of which involved questionable or clearly wrong relationships, including adultery. None of them were told to forsake their present mates. (Acts 2:36-41).
      On the other hand, there is the question of the literal meaning of the terms used. As we mentioned above, surely Jesus is not speaking about figurative adultery (as terrible as pornography is), but literal adultery.
      I know that I’m not being definite about all of this, part of which is the fact that we are speaking about hearts and lives here, including yours, your “wife’s,” and your children. But we must always seek the will of God regardless of consequences and regardless of past mistaken choices. As always, the will of God must prevail regardless of the pain (1 John 2:17; Hebrews 10:36; Matthew 7:21).
      If further light does come on these matters, I’ll seek to keep you in mind. May God bless you and I must definitely pray for you and the whole situation.

  4. In the last 6 to 8 months my wife has become obssessed with you tube videos about conspiracy theories, people who profess they have had dreams from God telling them what they need to do to be raptured etc. I personally do not believe in the rapture but I do believe in God. Today my wife left to “follow God”. I found some posts on her facebook page of videos she shared. One talking about the end times and another talking about relocation. The relocation video said people would be spiritually led to safety from the coming tribulation. That food and water would be found along the way and things of that nature. My wife and I have been the sole caretakers of friends one of whom is a double amputee and her husband who as dementia. She has left me to be the sole caretaker. This is a job that requires someone to be awake at all times. I cannot possibly do this on my own. She also had the bulk of hours to be paid. Now that she has left I will be unable to 1. Take proper care of the both of them and 2. Pay any of our bills. Right now I am seriously questioning my faith in God. I don’t know what to do.

    • Dear friend…. (I am not sure of your name, but I assume that your wife is “lisa”).

      I am so sorry for this crisis you are in and for the dilemma that you are experiencing. As I understand it, you do not believe in a “rapture” but you do believe in God and His Word. Is this true? I assure you that this is a good place to be as you evaluate all things and try to seek God’s answers.

      Also, it is of concern to me that your wife has become obsessed with this matter of Christ’s coming. From the way you described it, apparently she has allowed her thinking to be clouded by emotionalism and subjective experiences. Perhaps there are certain false teachers or prophets who have convinced her to leave you (the husband) and prepare for physical calamity.

      First, I think that you may believe in the “rapture” but not in the sort of experience that many people today claim to believe in. Paul says that “we who are alive and remain will be caught up together with them [dead saints resurrected] in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and so we shall always be with the Lord” (1 Thessalonians 4:17). The term, “caught up” is from a Latin word from which we derive “rapture.” So although we may not believe in the so-called “secret rapture” that is promulgated today, we would believe that true Christians will some day be “caught up” to meet the Lord.

      It is so dangerous for someone (your wife, in this case) to be devoted to subjective experiences and esoteric ideas. Revelation 1:7 says that Christ is coming with the clouds and “every eye will see Him.” Your wife will not be able to avoid this. The Lord Jesus is returning and everyone will know it! Further, we must be ready to meet the Lord at any time, and there will be no time for flight or hiding (Matthew 24:42-51). This matter of her running away from you and the house and her regular duties is futile. In fact, she will not be prepared for Christ’s return as long as she abdicates her daily responsibilities!
      The matter of your helping this other family in serious need is a concern to me. I don’t see how this would be humanly possible without help from someone else. Do you know of anyone else? Does this couple know of anyone else? You simply can’t do it all.

      May God bless you as you bear with this situation. And may He bless your wife to “come to her senses” about all things relating to Christ’s return. Let her study the Scriptures daily (Acts 17:11) to learn God’s will for her life, how she may please Him, and how she is to be rejoined to you, awaiting His return.

      –Richard

  5. I do know proper scriptures and contradict your phrase that Jesus instructs Christians to hate their relatives. The KJV and NKJV Bibles are the only versions needed.

    • Hello A.B. May, I think the scripture that you have in mind would be Luke 14:26: “If anyone comes to Me, and does not HATE his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be My disciple.”

      Although this is what the inspired Biblical text says, we suggest that Jesus is meaning something like, “loves less.” In other words, a person must love his wife, husband, and other family members less than he does God.

      We are to love God with all of our heart, mind, strength, and soul (Mark 12:28-31), but are to always love Jesus and God more than these human beings (Matthew 10:37).

  6. Richard I can’t keep Gods commandments or love him as he says to. That’s why we lutherans have Jesus S our only savior .if we could keep his commandments and love God as we should.. what would we need Jesus for ? We could earn are own way into heaven.

  7. Hi, Richard Hollerman, There is much education and biblical research as well as historical research which goes into this BLOG. Yet, and there is a “yet” , with all its civility and mildness, it fails to give the absolute essential OBJECTIVE answers that the queries seem to crave. There IS psychological support, however, and the inevitable middle-of-the-road reply. The “soul-searcher” is still left with the answer: Go figure this out for yourself, here are some biblical suggestions and quotes from the NEW TESTAMENT. God´s commandments were out there since the MOSAIC LAW was given; Jesus Christ replied in the Gospel of Luke to the woman who said: ” blessed be the paps that fed Thee . . . ;To which Jesus replied : . . . “blessed are those who know and keep my commandments”. Jesus reiterates this time and again in His WORD or BIBLICAL scripture given through the enlightenment and written down through the ages by the four major gospel writers. Your replies never mention the commandments of God to Moses on Mount Sinai. Jesus came to interpret but never to abolish. Who are you to set yourself up here on a blog and often questionably or loosely interpret ! You promote even more “relativism” than there already is and set yourself up as an oracle. Preach a little more: “hellfire” and “brimstone” which is what some of us sinners need to wake us up ! Hell is nearly ignored today and Satan the fallen angel LUCIFER is made a fictional figure on US TV series which pushes , people furthur away from REALITY !

    • Hi, Richard Hollerman, There is much education and biblical research as well as historical research which goes into this BLOG. Yet, and there is a “yet” , with all its civility and mildness, it fails to give the absolute essential OBJECTIVE answers that the queries seem to crave. There IS psychological support, however, and the inevitable middle-of-the-road reply. The “soul-searcher” is still left with the answer: Go figure this out for yourself, here are some biblical suggestions and quotes from the NEW TESTAMENT. God´s commandments were out there since the MOSAIC LAW was given; Jesus Christ replied in the Gospel of Luke to the woman who said: ” blessed be the paps that fed Thee . . . ;To which Jesus replied : . . . “blessed are those who know and keep my commandments”.

      Jesus reiterates this time and again in His WORD or BIBLICAL scripture given through the enlightenment and written down through the ages by the four major gospel writers. Your replies never mention the commandments of God to Moses on Mount Sinai.
      Because the 613 commandments, requirements, and statutes given by God to Moses were for Israel. You will find at least 10 or maybe 20 different verses that point this out for our learning (Romans 15:4).

      Jesus came to interpret but never to abolish. Who are you to set yourself up here on a blog and often questionably or loosely interpret ! You promote even more “relativism” than there already is and set yourself up as an oracle.

      I never would want to violate what the apostles and prophets commanded of us, according to Jesus our Lord (see Matthew 28:19-20). But the apostles did not require others—especially Gentiles—to obey all of the commandments meant for Israel. (In fact, as you know, some of those commands cannot be obeyed today since the temple was destroyed.)

      Preach a little more: “hellfire” and “brimstone” which is what some of us sinners need to wake us up ! Hell is nearly ignored today and Satan the fallen angel LUCIFER is made a fictional figure on US TV series which pushes , people furthur away from REALITY !

      I agree that the fires of hell should be taught and people should be aware that there is a place called Hell. And it will be a horrible place! (Revelation 21:8). May you and I be preserved from this eternal fate! May we be part of the eternal kingdom where all will be blessed (Revelation 21:1-7).
      Thank you for writing!

  8. alvinjennings says:

    Richard, your studies are good and true.
    About divorce. Has a wife divorced her husband by leaving him and staying separated for years?
    Some scholars say desertion is the same a divorce, whether there is a written decree or not, that the definition of the word itself means separate. If a wife stays separated and refuses to communicate or consider returning to her husband, does he sin by seeking legal separation of their property, funds, furniture, etc. If a man separates from his wife, puts her away, he owes her a bill of divorcement so she can seek other husband, right?

    • Alvin, you are dealing with a difficult subject, one that has concerned many people over the years. I don’t have all of the answers for questions relating to marriage, divorce, separation, remarriage, and others.

      We know that under Moses, one was required to give ” certificate of divorce” (Matthew 5:31-32). Yet I have read that our form of separation, legal separation, was unknown in NT times. Instead, when one did separate, this in itself was a divorcement.

      Paul wrote that “the wife should not leave her husband” (1 Corinthians 7:10). Further, of course, “the husband should not divorce his wife” (v. 11). But the apostle also says that a woman who does leave her husband “must remain unmarried” and we further read that the husband she left is still considered “her husband” (v. 11).

      The question of whether this separated woman (or man) is considered “divorced” is the question. Of course, we know that one who divorces apart from fornication (immorality) is not to remarry (Matthew 19:9).

      One problem that I’ve wrestled with is this: I think that even those who strongly oppose separation, divorce, and remarriage, seem to make allowance for one to separate from a spouse if that spouse has been physically abusive, or has molested the children, or has beat the children, or done other despicable things. Are we to consider such a person as divorced?

      I can’t say that I have the final word on these things, Alvin. Nor do I have the final word on whether it is ever proper to appeal to the Law in regard to such a separation. The question of dividing personal items and joint owned items, is such a difficult one. I wish I knew more of the answer here.

      May God bless you and lead us both to a better understanding of His will about this very difficult subject!

  9. Family matters…………..
    Luk 12:51 Suppose ye that I am come to give peace on earth? I tell you, Nay; but rather division:
    Luk 12:52 For from henceforth there shall be five in one house divided, three against two, and two against three.
    Luk 12:53 The father shall be divided against the son, and the son against the father; the mother against the daughter, and the daughter against the mother; the mother in law against her daughter in law, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
    Mat 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
    Mat 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
    Mat 10:36 And a man’s foes shall be they of his own household.
    Mat 10:37 He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.
    Mat 10:38 And he that taketh not his cross, and followeth after me, is not worthy of me.
    I am at my wits end here on some decisions I have made recently, and was hoping I could get some feedback from you when you get a chance, I will try to make this brief.
    I know since I came to a saving faith, and came out of the churches I have been in conflict with my family, and now I live with my elderly father who has Parkinson’s disease, I work part time in my profession, and like you have come out of much idolatry and indulgence to life a simple life.
    When I came out of the church about 7 years ago, and came to the knowledge of the truth, I went and warned my family wholeheartedly, as also my brother who is very stubborn, and very successful, I never had a relationship with him his family as well as my father’s brothers and sisters. Most of them are in the church system, and have constantly refused the truth, they invite me to their parties or holiday functions, but now I feel I have been in compromise, since time and again they refuse any truth. They like to drink, some smoke, watch sports, etc., and will always invite me, or accept me, but not the truth, I was told that as long as they accept you and don’t forsake you that you should still go, but if they don’t accept you anymore then you don’t go and separate.
    But its the truth I think Jesus was talking about that divides, and I told my brother I won’t attend their gatherings anymore, told them I love them, but don’t feel comfortable in that environment anymore, and invited him and his family to come and study the bible with me because the church he attends in in grave error, of course he got mad and angry with me like he does, he refused any truth, and thinks I am men, and hateful, even though I explained to him why I don’t feel comfortable going over there, while they live like the world, refuse truth, and I just sit there like a good boy, say nothing, and just get along and enjoy a meal with them.
    I was told then that I could then just stop by their house when they have these parties, bring some gifts, smile, tell them I love them but not stay just leave, but I don’t see Jesus and the apostles doing this even with family when they constantly reject the truth, in fact Jesus said, to dust feet and move on. I know if I have a good relationship with my brother and his family it may be different, I don’t know, but all the young children don’t know me they moved away for a long time, then came back, so I am not sure going there to make an appearance with gifts then leaving it is right.
    I know the scriptures I quoted about, and I know why Jesus said these things, and I hope that living with my elderly father is not wrong, he accepts me sharing the truth with him, and is a moral man, and I can look to get a cheap rental and move out and completely separate from them all, I don’t know, we are told to honor our parents, but never compromise with them.
    I know you are married, and not sure your family situation, but when it comes to truth there will be division as you know, and of course my father and family see me as mean, hateful, sinless perfect, self-righteous. In my decisions.

    Tommy

    • Hello Tommy,
      I read your comments with interest and can feel for what you are going through. Like you, I have left the church system that has departed from the primitive way of doing things. Like you, I long ago found that there was a great gulf between me and people I’ve known. Most of my life, I was a celibate single but more recently God gave me a wife. But for most of my life, I was alone, living a distance from family, thus I didn’t have to deal with some of the difficulties that you deal with.

      I heartily agree with the passages of Scripture that you listed there, plus there are several more like them. They are to be taken seriously and followed, out of commitment to Jesus who must always have the priority in our life (such as Matthew 10:34-37 says).

      But there are other passages that you mentioned, where it says that we are to honor our parents (Ephesians 6:1-3) and this honor must be given to our brothers and sisters and other family members as well.

      God knows the dilemma that we face. We want to separate ourselves from the worldly church setting with its manifold false teachings and worldliness, but we want to love and show a sincere interest in our family as well as others. Of course, we want to avoid any compromise along the way (many passages would say this–James 1:27; 4:4; 1 John 2:15-17; 2 Corinthians 6:14-17; etc.).

      Tommy, I would just encourage you to have limited contact with them. Show love in every way you can, without being contaminated by their false ways and worldliness, but let them know that you are trying to humbly obey the Lord in all things. And you want to keep your conscience clear by abstaining from anything wrong.

      This is a delicate balance, Tommy, but God will help you. You seem to know Scripture well and I hope that you will continue to read articles on this website that will help you (www.Truediscipleship.com). I do hope to present one or two articles dealing with following Jesus when in difficult circumstances, including difficult marriages. But this may take a while before this can be presented.

      In the meanwhile, may God help you to seek His will and do His will to the extent that you understand it. May God bless you!

      • Thank you sir, I will take to heart what you said, I have shared much truth with my brother and his family, as well as my aunts and uncles and family, I let them know I love them much, but love God more, and still divided about going to their family parties and functions, they wont accept the truth, but they will accept me, they love me and care about me, but when it comes to spiritual matters they have no concern. I live with my elderly father, and he is open to the truth, and reads the bible, but if I go to the family functions, i just sit there as they get drunk, watch sports, and I just dont know if I am in compromise, or sharing in their sins, thanks for your response, sorry for the delay, I forgot I posted, and just reread your article, thanks

        • Hello Tommy….

          I appreciate your response, my friend, and it does seem that you are doing what you can to love and reach the various family members.

          You do seem to love God more (Mark 12:28-30) and love Jesus more (Matthew 10:34-37) and this is the way it must be. I realize that this must hurt you very much, but sometimes Jesus our Lord calls on us to do things that are not comfortable or nice.

          We know that Jesus deserves all of our loyalty and devotion–for He gave Himself for us, to rescue us from sin. I am glad to know that your aged father does read the Bible and seems to have an interest in God and His Word. So very good!

          Be faithful to God and always do what is right. We can’t change people’s mind but perhaps people will change their own mind, through the Spirit and the Word.

          May God bless you abundantly! –Richard

  10. I seperated for a 1 yr now from my husband..my walk with Christ has been back and forth my whole life. Committed now for about 4 6 months. Many issues with my husband and I . he blames my son (we have two children each from previous marriages) for me leaving but that was straw broke camels back that son was saved about 6 months ago.(praise the Lord) but I find myself nor wanting to live like this anyone. I can’t go back and feel my only option is divorce but fear the worse on judgement day when god calls on me if I do that. Feeling lost and confused. Thank you and god bless.💜

    • Thank you for writing, Jami, and for telling us about your marital issues. Surely, you walk has been difficult during this time. Further, I do sense your desire to believe and obey God although this is difficult in the midst of this chaos.

      I may not have all of the answers for your dilemma, Jamie, but God has given us several points in His Word that will help us. First, it is good that you want to obey God even when this is difficult. You seem to fear what will happen on Judgment Day if you go ahead with divorce. Apparently, this divorce would be for reasons other than your husband’s infidelity or adultery. Is this true?

      Currently, in January of 2017, there is a leading article on the home page of Truediscipleship.com on the reasons for divorce and how adultery figures into this. It would be good for you to read that article and consider what God is saying.

      You say that you have been married before and have a child from that marriage, plus your husband has been married before and has a child from that marriage also. In our day, these “blended” families do bring challenges and struggles. Maybe it would be good for you to consider whether you divorced your first husband on the grounds of his adultery against you. Also, it would be good for your present husband to consider whether he divorced his first wife on the grounds of her own adultery against him. If this wasn’t so, then it would be important for both of you to ask whether either or both of you may not have had the Biblical grounds to divorce your first spouses and marry each other.

      If your study of God’s Word should somehow reveal that you and he are legitimately married in God’s sight, as difficult as it may be, it would be best for you both to humble yourselves before God and each other and seek forgiveness. When God is involved in the marriage, He can work out even seemingly “impossible” relationships.

      However, my strong suspicion is that perhaps neither you nor he had any Biblical grounds to marry each other. If this were true, you both may be presently living in adultery—an adulterous relationship. See especially Matthew 5:31-32; 19:9; Mark 10:11-12; Luke 16:18; Romans 7:2-3, as well as 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 and Hebrews 13:4.

      I’m so sorry that your two children are involved in this marital problem. We would like for them to be preserved from such strife.

      Thus, I would encourage you to examine the Scriptures carefully and determine if you are living in adultery. This you must do and you must cease this sin—in case you are presently living in it. On the other hand, if there is any possibility that you and your husband are not living in adultery, then try to work out this relationship with God’s compassionate and wise help.
      May God bless you, Jami.

  11. Hello – Your article picked me up. I have been saved for about 8 yrs. and my walk with The Lord has been all over the place. So far it has been a lonely walk, but God’s demonstrate’s his power to me. What joy to experience his faithfulness during moments I am far away from him.

    • Marie, I am so glad that you wrote and expressed your commitment to walk with the Lord. God does want to save us from eternal wrath (anger) (1 Thessalonians 1:9-10 and 5:9-10) as well as living a meaningless life (2 Corinthians 5:14-15, 17). We are to live in faith and obedience out of love for God (John 14:15, 21-24). I hope that you will continue to read True Discipleship website and learn more. There are now about 1,800 different articles to choose from! May God bless you!

  12. Hileng Santos says:

    Thank you for your explanation, this really help me. But what do I do if my husband doesn’t listen to me, goes to church on Wednesday and Sunday but doesn’t read the bible and pray and doesn’t want to forsake his addicting and destructive habits which costs a lot of money and goes to church only to appease me. I’ve been praying for too long.

    • Hello to you, my friend….

      I’m very glad that you chose to write to True Discipleship and share your predicament. I believe that marital differences and marital division are problems that weigh heavy on numerous sincere women in this country and through the world.

      When we study Scripture and read the instructions that God gives in dealing with these marital issues, we may assume that all will be well. Only if we submit ourselves to the Word of God, will all go well and both husband and wife will be united in Christ and united with each other.

      This is the way it is supposed to work, but you have found and thousands of others have discovered that differences do not always disappear. Here are a few comments that must be applied in each situation, according to the need:

      1. We must always put God first in every situation. You know the Scriptures–that we are to seek the kingdom of God first (Matthew 6:33). Jesus is to have first place in all things (Colossians 1:18), and the greatest of all commands is to love God with all of our heart, soul, mind, and strength (Mark 12:28-31).

      2. The wife is to submit to her husband. This includes a saved and obedient husband (apparently presupposed in Ephesians 5:22-33) as well as a disobedient or even unsaved husband (1 Peter 3:1ff).

      3. There is an exception to the obedience that the wife is to render. God must come before the husband. While some theology today would say that the wife must even sin for her husband, this is a false doctrine that must be repudiated. When there is a conflict between what a husband wants and what God wants, a wife must always put God first. “We must obey God rather than man” (Acts 5:29; see 4:18-19).

      4. A wife can encourage her husband to read his Bible, to pray, to seek God’s will, to instruct the children, to be a good example to the family, and much more. Of course, this is what a husband/father should be and do. But even if he doesn’t do what he should, the wife should not become bitter, resentful, angry, or rebellious. She is still required to submit–as far as doing so doesn’t conflict with the will of God.

      5. The wife should seek God and His will herself. Regardless of a husband’s response or lack of response, the wife must become the most loving, kind, and patient person possible. She is to add the various virtues that God seeks in our life (see 1 Peter 3:3-4; 2 Peter 1:5-11; Galatians 5:22-24). She should pray that God will break through the husband’s exterior and bring him to repentance and a seeking after God.

      6. Finally, the wife should make sure of her own salvation. Many wives live an exemplary life but they simply have not genuinely been saved. Consider this yourself. You will find many articles on this website (www.Truediscipleship.com) that should help you.

      I hope that these thoughts will help you to find a solution to your dilemma. Remember that God loves you and wants to bring comfort to your heart as you carry out His will in practical ways in your marriage.

  13. Dear Warren…. Thank you for writing and sharing your experience. From what you say, you are living the word before your children. By this I take it that you mean you are seeing to be filled with faith or trust as well as submissive obedience to the Lord (Hebrews 11; 10:36; 1 John 2:17). With so many temptations and pressures in this world, we can see how difficult it is for even our loved ones to remain true. Continue to walk in faith and obedience. Also, look at your own life to determine whether there is any inconsistencies that need to be changed. I wasn’t sure of your reference to a “blended family,” but often this means that a couple are living in an illegitimate, adulterous union and this could cause resentment in others. On the other hand, hopefully you and your wife are being true to the Lord in all areas. In such a case, I do hope that your children will finally humble themselves and seek the Lord’s favor. May God bless you!

  14. Elder Warren Adams says:

    That was a very nice article! My wife and I are living the Word before our oldest and youngest children (27 and 31 years old). We are a blended family, having been married almost 16 years now. These two children were raised in the church, but like some, have decided to live a life contrary to the Word of God, and chose to do their own thing. The fruit of their lifestyle is not good, and we’re just praying for them to be saved. Pray for the Adams household. Thanks.

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