Are You in a Second Marriage?

Richard Hollerman

Probably most people realize that God wants a man and a woman (a husband and a wife) to be true and loyal to each other as long as they live. This is one reason why Moses said, “For this cause a man shall leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and they shall become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). We must conclude that this was important in God’s sight for it was given at the very beginning of the human race and the passage even speaks of the “father” and the “mother” when there was neither of them in existence.

Some 4,000 years later, Jesus our Lord, referred to this incident and explained to the Pharisees, “Have you not read that He who created them from the beginning made them male and female.” He then explained, “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no one separate” (Matthew 19:4-16).

We know that marriage does bring manifold problems. Perhaps this is one reason why there is so much strife, disagreements, bitterness, animosity, and even division within many marriages! We know that many of these marriages are unhappy and even divisive. At the beginning, we know that God made it known that His will was that the husband and the wife be united as “one flesh” and that this would continue as long as both partners would live. In America, there was no divorce until the early 1800s. However, after this period, the floodgates of division came to American marriages and divorce became a common occurrence by the latter decades of the period of the middle 20th century.

Eventually, in England, about 1857, some 324 people had filed for divorce. This would have been years ago—and out of the English millions, only 324 had divorced. (See https://www.smithsonianmag.com/history/heartbreaking-history-of-divorce-180949439/).

Let’s back up a few years, to about 1800. We read this: “Only four of the 324 cases were brought by women. A husband needed to prove adultery to obtain a divorce. By contrast, a wife was required to prove adultery and some other especially aggravating circumstance to have the same grounds. Over the years, women learned that brutality, rape, desertion and financial chicanery did not count. In fact, Parliament seemed hard pressed to say what did, until Jane Addison launched her case in 1801. She won on the basis of Mr. Addison’s adultery and incest with her sister in the marital home.” (Ibid.)

Let’s now jump to America and the divorce rate here.  Even in the 1800s we find that there were few divorces. We read this explanation:

The divorce rate continued to increase in the early 20th century. In 1890, 3 couples per 1,000 were divorced, rising to 8 couples by 1920.

(https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Divorce_ in_the_United_States). Thus, even at this time the number of divorces was low.).

Before 2000, divorce continued to be rare since it was considered against the public good. (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Divorce_in_the_United_States). Apparently, Mexico, Haiti, and Nevada became more open to divorce. By 1969, California was the first state to pass a “no fault” divorce law, thus it became legal for divorce to occur without clear reasons for “fault” that led to divorce (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Divorce_in_the_United_States).

As we enter the 21st century, more and more divorces were granted. We find this: “The median length for a marriage in the US today is 11 years, with 90% of divorces settled out of court. Lower-income couples are currently more likely to get a divorce than higher-income couples. By the seventh wedding anniversary, the divorce rate among highly educated people who married in the early 2000s is 11%, while that for couples without college degrees is 17%.”

Sadly, more divorces are happening today than in the past. And many of these are by women. We find this: “There is some variation among states, and the numbers have also varied over time, with about 60% of filings by women in most of the 20th century, and over 70% by women in some states just after no-fault divorce was introduced, according to the paper.” (Ibid.) We find this somewhat strange since statistics do say that more women are spiritually-inclined than men. We wonder why it is that women are divorcing more frequently today.

We must ask the question: What are the numbers of divorces? We know that the answer could be asked regarding many countries of the world, but what about the United States? We find these statistics: “Using 1995 data, National Survey of Family Growth forecast in 2002 a 43% chance that first marriages among women aged 15–44 would be disrupted within 15 years. More recently, having spoken with academics and National Survey of Family Growth representatives, PolitiFact.com estimated in 2012 that the lifelong probability of a marriage ending in divorce is 40%–50%.” (Ibid.) Of course, we realize that many or actually most of the 40 to 50% of divorces are not caused by adultery!

What about educational level and the number of divorces?  “A 2012 study cited by Pew Research center found that an estimated 78% of women with bachelor’s degrees, and 65% of men with bachelor’s degrees who married between 2006-2010 can expect their marriages to last at least two decades. Women with a high school degree or less, on the other hand, face a meager 40% probability of their marriages surviving the same period.” We are not taking into consideration the matter of religion in this but we think that perhaps fewer people who are religious choose to divorce.

When we look at religion’s effect on divorce, we find different views. For instance, one conservative Methodist Church says the following:

We believe that the only legitimate marriage is the joining of one man and one woman (Gen. 2:24; Rom. 7:2; 1 Cor. 7:10; Eph. 5:22, 23). We deplore the evils of divorce and remarriage. We regard adultery as the only scripturally justifiable grounds for divorce; and the party guilty of adultery has by his or her act forfeited membership in the church. In the case of divorce for other causes, neither party shall be permitted to marry again during the lifetime of the other; and violation of this law shall be punished by expulsion from the church (Matt. 5:32; Mark 10:11, 12). In the carrying out of these principles, guilt shall be established in accordance with judicial procedures set forth in The Discipline.

We might bear in mind that this particular statistic comes from a conservative Methodist Church. On the other hand, mainline denominations (such as the Episcopal, the Presbyterian, the Lutheran, the United Church of Christ, and the like) probably have divorce statistics just as high as the general public!

The Roman Catholic Church formerly was more conservative (or shall we say “traditional?), but now we find “annulment” being practiced. When it comes to religions such as Buddhism, Hinduism, Islam, Judaism, and others, we generally find some allowance for divorce—or they don’t speak about it at all. Thus, divorce may be rampant in some of these religions!  (See https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Religion_and_divorce).

How shall we view all of this? In the one place, much of the world population have no interest in what God says regarding the permanence of marriage. On the other hand, there seems to be a great allowance for this sin. Even within Christianity (by this, we are referring to such religions as Catholicism, Orthodoxy, and Protestantism—even though we realize that according to Scripture, much of this is not true Christianity!), we find much allowance for divorce and even remarriage.

Where do you fall? The only possible answer if we are true to God’s Word is to condemn divorce as against God’s will. We have addressed this in a variety of articles on this website, both from a personal level and from others who have contributed their views on the subject. If we were to condense these views, we know that the inspired scriptures (of the New Testament) generally condemn divorce. Even though this may go against what the world thinks and even what religion teaches, we can do nothing other than say that the new covenant scriptures generally disallow the practice of divorce with subsequent remarriage. From a Biblical standpoint, this is called adultery.

Here we need to share some of the basic scriptures that speak about this subject. As we begin with Romans and proceed to the end of the Bible. Then return to the Gospels, we find this: Romans 7:2-3.

Here Paul says that “the married woman is bound by law to her husband while he is living; but if her husband dies, she is released from the law concerning the husband. So then, if while her husband is living she is joined to another man, she shall be called an adulteress; but if her husband dies, she is free from the law, so that she is not an adulteress though she is joined to another man.”

We realize that there may be difficult ways of interpreting this and like passages, but generally we must see that for a woman to divorce her husband and marry another man, she is an adulteress.  We know that this doesn’t speak about the husband but we assume that the same language would apply with this as well. There are some who would debate this and say that the husband has a “right” to divorce his wife and not vice-versa, but we won’t examine this at present.

Notice also Romans 7. The whole 40 verses are worthy of study but just here notice verses 10-11: “To the married I give instructions, not I, but the Lord, that the wife should not leave her husband (but if she does leave, she must remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband), and that the husband should not divorce his wife.” Thus, even separation is wrong and disallowed. Regarding those who are already married, Paul says that there should be no separation and the husband should not divorce his wife. The wife who leaves such an arrangement must remain without her husband—remain unmarried—or be reconciled. Maybe you are aware of a situation like this and realize that this scripture speaks to this.

Let’s return to the gospels. In Matthew 5:31-32, we read this: “It was said, ‘Whoever sends his wife away, let him give her a certificate of divorce’; but I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except for the reason of unchastity [or fornication], makes her commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.” Here we discover that when a man divorces his wife (except for her sexual unfaithfulness) “makes her commit adultery.” Why? Apparently this assumes that the wife will remarry when she has no right to do so, and this constitutes adultery. Although the husband is not mentioned here, we assume that this would also be true of the husband or man.

The next place would be Matthew 19:4-12, but what concerns us directly would be verse 9: “And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.” Here again the husband is the actor (rather than the wife). If he should divorce his wife and marries another woman, he commits adultery. We realize that there are many, many pages written on this verse since it is the clearest of the passages that condemn divorce and remarriage. There may be questions about this, but basically, unless the husband grounds or bases his divorce on the wife’s sexual immorality, he commits adultery if he should marry again.

The passage in Mark is the same incident (Mark 10:2-12), but the relevant verses would say this: “And He said to them, ‘Whoever divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her; and if she herself divorces her husband and marries another man, she is committing adultery.’” This shows us that if a man divorces his wife and remarries, he commits adultery. The same is true of the woman divorcing: If she divorces her husband and remarries, she commits adultery against him.

The last passage that we’ll notice is Luke 16:18: “Everyone who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery, and he who marries one who is divorced from a husband commits adultery.” Again, the man is the only one addressed in this passage. As in the other passages, we see that a man who divorces and remarries, commits adultery. However, it does add something else: If one should marry a divorced woman, he commits adultery. We may be able to say that the same would be true of the woman who divorces and marries a man although this is not mentioned.

But the logical question would arise: Why is this such a major topic? There are dozens of other passages that we could be examining. It is important since we learn that one who violates this teaching commits adultery. See especially Matthew 19:9; 5:31-32; Mark 10:11-12; Luke 16:18; Romans 7:2-3. One then may reply, “But if this is such a common sin in parts of the world, why do we need to concentrate on this?  We know that until one or two hundred years ago, divorce was very rare. See the first part of this study for this to be established. Apart from this (which some may attribute to a cultural matter), we know that this reveals the mind and will of God!

Here is the real issue that raises this matter to a higher level that we might have imagined.  The one who commits adultery and refuses to repent, is in serious trouble before God! Of course, we know that all sinners who refuse to repent will be held accountable before the Lord (1 Corinthians 6:9-10), but we are discussing adultery here and we are focusing on this sin. We learn that “the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God.” Further, those who commit the listed sins and refuse to repent will not “inherit the kingdom of God” (v. 10). Thus here we see that if one divorces his wife (as we have discussed) and remarries, he (or she) will not inherit the kingdom of God!

We know that all sins may be forgiven (except the blasphemy against the Holy Spirit), but adultery is very difficult to receive God’s forgiveness. Even this adultery may be forgiven, but it does require repentance and this makes it very, very difficult to receive God’s forgiveness! For instance, if a man divorces his wife (apart from her guilt) and subsequently remarries, what is he to do if he wants to be forgiven by God? Repent, of course. But repentance means that he will be utterly sorry for his sin and will not commit the sin (of adultery) again. Yes, he can leave this adulterous union and not commit this sin again, but (as you can imagine) this can be very, very difficult. The man may very well seek to justify his adultery (with the second wife and against his first wife). He may not want to repent and commit himself to life-long celibacy. In fact, he probably won’t want to repent and put away his adulterous “wife”!

We suggest that you look at such passages as Hebrews 13:4: “Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge.” Just as a fornicator must cease his fornicating, so the adulterer must cease his committing adultery!

We realize that we could go on for another 100 or 200 pages, but this is sufficient to see the basics of adultery in Scripture. We have seen how rare this sin was in the past. We have also seen how common it is in the present. In other words, there are millions and millions of people who are committing adultery in the present and have no desire to repent. Further, think of the hundreds of millions around the world who are also living in adultery and have no interest in repenting.

In fact, some would say that they are presently enjoying a satisfying life of marital bliss! And the former spouse has maybe gone on to marry someone else. Thus, it would be nearly impossible to resume the first marriage. Quite frankly, Satan has done all he can to make it difficult to leave one sin and live a pure life! Satan wants the divorced and remarried to be content with her lot in life and be unconcerned about God’s forgiveness. He seems to have the perfect way to condemn these people with a sin that is committed. But the marriage at first could have been a wonderful relationship—until sin entered the picture!

We encourage you to not only see this matter from a historical perspective (and see the rarity of the sin in the past) and from a present perspective (seeing that it is very common in our day), but to view this sin from God’s perspective. After all, even if one were to live a long life of 100 years and be with the same wife or husband for 80 or those years, what about what lies ahead? What about the following 1,000 years, or one million years, or one trillion years? Will unforgiven adultery seem that important then?

What about not only the sin of adultery, but what about the sins of evil speaking, lying, hatred, idolatry, malice, and every other sin?.  There are many articles on this website that would address all of this and we hope that you will seek these articles out! Please, friend, don’t look at your friend, your family member, your neighbor, or others who have chosen to commit adultery and remain in this sin. But look at yourself and seek God and His cleansing while you may! Do this today!