Family Conflict

(With Special  Reference to Marital Conflict)

Richard Hollerman

We wondered whether we should call this with a longer title, something like “Family Conflict and Death” or “Family Division” or even “Family Disintegration.” As I was reading Luke 21 this morning, I noticed this.

We know that this was speaking about the period from AD 30 (when Christ arose from the dead) until about AD 70 (when Jerusalem was destroyed by Rome). Some may think that this refers to a later period, perhaps even our own. But, if these chapters (Matthew 24-25; Mark 13; Luke 21) were written in chronological sequence, then it must have been during that forty year period. But then the question arises, how does this fit into early “church” history, especially that recorded in the book of Acts? We must also include Matthew 10 here for there are important additions that we must examine.

When we go to Luke 21:16 we discover that Christ’s followers would face betrayal (and supposedly death) by the following persons:

Parents

Brother

Relatives

Friends

Have you faced this yourself—today? We know that this is the 21st century, and not the period covered (AD 30 to 70), but we continue to face rejection, persecution, betrayal, and separation. If this was true of the period before Jerusalem’s fall, could it be that we also face such disaster?

When we come to Mark 13:12, we find rejection and persecution by:

Brother

Father

Children

Maybe in your own life, you find this. Maybe your family displays this sort of conflict and division?

Now turn to Matthew 10:21.  Here was find another context, perhaps a related one, and we find the following separations:

Brother

Father

Children

If we were to go to verses 35 to 37, we find the following rejections and persecutions:

Father

Daughter and Mother

Daughter-in-law and mother-in-law

Father or mother

Son or daughter

Perhaps we think that we live in a fairly comfortable period of time, but consider what we have seen. We live with financial need, loss of employment, family stress, and disintegration, children misbehavior, drugs and drink, and so much more! Also, we might think of the conflict that exists in other parts of the world—with the wars, the conflicts, the refugee crisis, the famines, and so much more!

In your own life, we assume that you are either single or married. If you are married, you are either living in adultery or married to your own wife. If you are married to your own wife (or your own husband), either you are living a very peaceful and fulfilling life or you are involved in constant strife, division, conflict, and bitterness. If you are a follower of Christ (either having come to Him recently or a long time ago), you know that these attitudes toward your lawful spouse are wrong and unwarranted. If this is so, we assume that you are doing what you can to overcome this approach and want to apply Scripture to your situation. (The same would be true if you are a woman.)

Think of the listing that we have before us above. The early Christians needed to face these family conflicts in many ways. Jesus said this and He meant it. Do we believe Him? Although this may have applied to the period before the fall of the Jewish capital, we know that through history, the same conflicts will occur. There is much pain, much anguish, much disappointment, and much disillusionment. We think that you didn’t expect it would be like this. Hollywood gives us a different view of marriage and romance. But we know that life isn’t like this at all. Sometimes these divisions do occur, with suffering the result.

Are you yielding yourself to Christ and seeking His guidance in these situations? Do you really believe Scripture and want to follow the Lord in all of His directions regarding these broken relationships and bewildering situations? Consider this:

First, let’s remember that conflict and persecution will exist in this life, including unfulfilled marriages (2 Timothy 3:12).

Second, we must “endure” these circumstances, “to the end” (Mark 10:13; Matthew 10:22; 24:13).

Third, let’s remember to “turn the cheek” within these situations and against our disobedient spouse (Matthew 5:38-42).

Fourth, we must “let our light shine” when our spouse may abuse us for this will be the context for ongoing influence over him/her and others (Matthew 5:14-16).

Fifth, let us always love (have a genuine concern for and do good to) our perpetrator, even a disobedient spouse (Matthew 5:44-48; Luke 6:27-31).

Sixth, let’s remember to have a “sheep” attitude even when we are persecuted and in this context let’s be wise and innocent (Matthew 10:16).

Seventh, we need to “fear” God and do His will at all times, even when a disobedient spouse refuses to bow the knee to Jesus (Matthew 10:28-31).

Eighth, at all times, let us love Jesus more than our spouse (or any other member of our family—including a child!) and be willing to “take the cross” of suffering for His sake (Matthew 10:36-39).

Ninth, we must beware of being misled in family conflict for most will have their “love” to “grow cold” in such situations (Matthew 24:11-13).

Tenth, even when a marriage grows sour and doesn’t turn out as we expected, as we planned, and as we wanted, still we must remain firm in our faith in God! Even when are severely treated, we are to be “faithful until death” to receive “the crown of life” (Revelation 2:10).

These are several of the directives to keep in mind in the midst of the kind of suffering that may come to us even in a legitimate marriage. These are part of following Jesus regardless of the circumstances! Yes, this may affect your son and daughter too but this is part of following the Lord as a true disciple!

We know that you married with high expectations and decided hopes of a better situation. At one time, you must have loved and cared for your spouse. And you surely didn’t expect the kind of treatment that you have received. If you are part of a loving, supportive, and caring fellowship of fellow-believers, we hope that they are able to give you the very practical help that you need at this time of need!

May God help you and alleviate your distress as you look to Him for guidance and His blessing!