Adultery: the Forgotten Sin!

Are you guilty of adultery in violating the marriage bond?

Richard Hollerman

Sometimes we wonder why it is that adultery is so often overlooked, passed over, and commonly practiced in our world. We know that among all of the nations of the world (we understand that there are at least 195 of them) there are different definitions and practices of this sin. However, adultery remains a basic sin that is committed by millions of people—both men and women.

One definition of adultery is this: “Adultery, on the other hand, is much more straightforward. Adultery is commonly defined as: The voluntary sexual intercourse by a married person with someone other than the offender’s spouse.” (https://www.target-investigations.com/specialization/domestic-infidelity/).  Another definition, purported to be in the Old Testament, says: “Adultery is sexual relations in which at least one participant is married to someone else. According to the Book of Genesis, marriage is a union established by God himself.” (https://en.wikibooks.org/wiki/The_Ten_Commandments/You_shall_not_commit_adultery.

This is probably clear enough, except for the fact that adultery seems to depend (in this definition) on the idea that one of the partners needs to be “married” to another. Probably this definition (and like definitions) fail to really grasp the Biblical import and meaning of “adultery.”

Biblically, we know that when two people commit themselves to each other and agree to be together for life, and are not joined to another person, they can be considered married. But, sadly, people today seem to take lightly the matter of adultery and it is practiced by large numbers in America. We don’t know, but of the 95% of those “married” in other countries, we assume that many of these are in adulterous unions and will die in this sinful condition.

It would seem that something as important as adultery would be clearly explained and that God would make this very plain on the pages of His Word. If one were to read places like Mark 10:11-12 (vv. 2-12) and Luke 16:18, we can see that God forbids adultery. We might supplement this with 1 Corinthians 7:10-11. Then if we were to read 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 and Galatians 5:19-21 we can see the serious issues involved. Notice also Revelation 21:8 and 22:15, plus 2 Thessalonians 1:7-10; Ephesians 5:3-7; and Colossians 5:3-7 and we can see the results of committing adultery and other sins.

But one may reply: What about Matthew 5:31-32 and Matthew 9:9 (vv. 3-12)? In Matthew 19:9, we have what amounts to the most controversial passage having to do with marriage and divorce and the result of remarriage. In this place, we read: “Whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.” There are several questions that we may ask about Christ’s words here.

The verse only speaks of a man who divorces his wife. Does this apply to the woman who divorces her husband (which can’t be done in all countries but in some it can be)? Next, what is “immorality” here? “Fornication” or “immorality” comes from the Greek porneia and is defined as “illicit sexual intercourse” (Vine). The verse goes on to say, “. . . and marries another woman.” We might ask, what if the person who divorces his mate (the divorcer divorces the divorced), and does not marry again, what is the status of such a person? The verse ends with, “. . . commits adultery.” Again, we must ask, what precisely is adultery here? (See also Matthew 5:31-32).

You or someone may contend that this is an uncommon sin. However, we must differ with this contention. Even the research that we have done seems to minimize the results of studies on adultery. We find the following:

. . . the majority of scientific studies show that the rates of cheating hover around 20 percent.

In one of Wosick’s studies, she found that 26 percent of men reported that they had cheated on their current partner and 19 percent of women reported that they had cheated on their current partner.

Overall, surveys have shown that rates of cheating haven’t changed too much in the past few decades, Wosick told Live Science. She noted, however, that there will be an occasional study that suggests that rates are higher, perhaps around 40 percent.

But what does appear to have changed is people’s attitudes toward cheating.

People disapprove of infidelity more now than they did several decades ago, Wolfinger said. Part of this reason for this change is that people’s views about marriage have also changed.

Marriage means something different today than it did several decades ago, said Christin Munsch, an assistant professor of sociology at the University of Connecticut.

In surveys from the 1970s, it was much more common for people to accept that their spouse cheated, Munsch told Live Science. They weren’t looking for their partner to be their best friend, their confidante and also an amazing lover like people do today, she said.

But people today expect to get everything from a relationship with a spouse, and they have really strong opinions about cheating, Munsch added. These days, people get “more incensed” at the idea of affairs, Munsch said. [8 Myths That Could Kill Your Relationship]

Attitudes about sex have also changed.

People now think about sex differently and they define sex in different ways, Wosick said. There may be a wider range of behaviors that people engage in and don’t consider cheating, she said. So it’s possible that more people are cheating today, but they don’t think of it as such, she said.

Indeed, it can be difficult for researchers to define infidelity.

Not every person defines infidelity the same way, Munsch said. Does only sexual intercourse count? What about kissing, or flirting online? Another problem, of course, is that people lie, she said. (https://www.livescience.com/56407-how-many-people-cheat.html).

Although people think of marriage differently, and think of divorce differently, and think of sex differently, does God really think of all of this differently? We know that most people have little care about what God thinks about marriage, divorce, and remarriage, still this would be something very important to God!

As I have thought about this and examined the statistics, we know that there are certain groups that are particularly prone to divorce and remarriage. Of course, we know that personalities from Hollywood are especially involved in this sin. Sadly, we notice (from our internet search) that many or even most of these people not only divorce and remarry but they may do so multiple times.

Sadly, we find that millions (or so it seems) of church-going  type of people are involved in this sin. What we mean is that there are many hundreds of thousands or even millions of young people and older people who go to church but divorce their mates and then remarry. These adulterous unions are seldom remedied by repentance. Very few remarried church-going couples are willing to separate from an adulterous spouse and live in celibacy for their remaining years.

Of course, we know that the average American is willing to divorce and remarry, thus committing adultery and even living in this state. It would seem that many or most of these people just are not concerned about the immorality that they commit and are willing to remain in this state.

The population of people in the United States would be a mere 4 to 5% of the world population. What about the 95% who live in other parts of the world? We know that people do divorce and remarry in Canada and Mexico, in Central America and the Caribbean, in South America and Oceana, in Africa, Australia, in Europe, in the Middle East, and in Asia. Therefore, there must be many billions of people living in these places and perhaps hundreds of millions of them are living in adultery. We imagine that many or most of these people are not concerned about what Jesus (as well as Paul, Peter, Luke, and others) said about marriage, about divorce, and about the ensuing adultery. Sadly, we conclude that most of these “couples” are probably living with their first spouses or perhaps many of them are living with their second (or third) spouse.

We have in our mind a couple who divorced and then remarried to other spouses. Of course, they are living in adultery, thus are adulterers. But while they are in a second “marriage” they have one, two, three, or more children. We now have a “family” guilty of adultery, seeking God in a measure, and have one or more children between them. Surely they want to raise these sons and daughters to have a fear and love of God. What shall the parents do about this? They are guilty of continual adultery—a sin that will sent them to Hades or hell for all eternity! In my work with the website (www.Truediscipleship.com) we’ve known at least two (or three) families who inquired and were determined to cease the adultery in which they lived. Did they? We don’t know….

Why are there So Many Divorces?

If you have read the foregoing discussion, you may wonder why we find divorce so prevalent! Of course, there are many reasons. We may find the following among those causes:

1. Divorce is so common. Since divorce is a sin that is so common in the world, we find that people just seem to “go along with the flow” and continue the divorce practice.
2. Some religions allow for divorce and the subsequent remarriage. We all know that Islam allows for this and many Muslims do divorce and remarry. Since Vatican II, we know that it is much easier for Roman Catholics to sin in this way.
3. Since society at large not only allows for divorce and remarriage, we know that some of these people applaud this practice. We realize that people just do “what comes naturally” and divorce their mate if there is a problem and then feel free to remarry to someone more “compatible.”
4. In America (we are not sure about the remainder of the world) there has arisen the “no fault” practice—and an easy way out of a troublesome marriage. Instead of seeking some sort of solution to marital difficulties, many think that they will just wipe out these troubles and hope that the next union will be better.

We know that many people don’t seem to have an interest in knowing God’s will regarding marriage, divorce, and remarriage. They are not interested in knowing the Lord’s instructions about marriage and seem to just think that God will accept whatever happens. They believe that God will put His “stamp of approval” on the union that now exists even though this union is an adulterous one. We have known dozens of marital unions in which the “husband” and the “wife” just assume that since they are united in some way, God will accept this. They think that since life is so brief, they are free to continue with this sinful union and God will someone approve of this. How sad!

We say that this is sad because those who know better should point out to the millions who do commit adultery in this way that it is wrong and violates God revealed will. We refer to Protestants (of all kinds), Catholics, and other professing “Christians” of all kinds. Their priests, ministers, bishops, presbyters, preachers, and others in religious authority should be leading their “flock” rightly and show God’s will regarding marriage and divorce. Instead, some of these religious leaders actually either approve of or even encourage those under them to “find fulfillment” through a second marriage! It would be good for them to read the instructions in Jeremiah and elsewhere that would warn religious leaders about leading their flocks aright and away from sin—not toward sin.

We know that we are living in a perverted age and that little moral teaching and instruction regarding marriage is given to ones who are planning to marry. Thus, two people who are totally unfit for such a union marry and a year or seven years later, they see the terrible mistake they have made, thus they choose to divorce and a year or two later they remarry. And thus commit adultery.

What can be done about this? We know of one religious group (actually a group of sects or denominations) in which divorce is rare. Why would this be so? There are various reasons but one would be this: The young people who do marry go through a very restricted period of “courtship” (if we may call it that), learn the basics about male-female relationships, and all of this before marriage.

Generally (but not always), they come from the same socio-economic backgrounds. They often are either “home schooled” or receive their training (for some eight or ten years) in a “Christian” school, and are taught nearly the same way as their “friends” are. They have no television, no radio, don’t go to movies, dress modestly, and the like—thus they are not exposed to the worldly influences of Hollywood. They may come from a similar religious background, they are conservatively taught, and the liberal, evil, and worldly ways are not in their background. They don’t believe or practice “dating” (especially the way that the world does) but in what they like to call “courtship.”

With all of this and “leaders” to teach and train them, we can see that when a young man and a young woman (generally about age 18, or 20, or 22) do unite in marriage, they are much more likely to remain married. We might also say that if there might be a tendency to want to divorce or separate, they know that this is something that God in Scripture disallows. Further, with the support and encouragement of their religious leaders, they not only are taught the basics of marriage but they realize that if they choose to divorce, the congregation will “withdraw fellowship” or “excommunicate” or “discipline” them and they won’t be able to remarry again.

Can we see that this might be a workable situation that is far different from the ways of the world—whether the non-religious or the worldly “churchianity” to which so many of us have been exposed? If you are like me, you come from a background that allows for divorce and remarriage. I am thinking of a cousin and their divorce and remarriage. Also, I am thinking of another cousin who was involved in a divorce and remarriage situation. They I am thinking of a niece who was involved in a divorce and remarriage situation. Then there is a nephew who is “living” with a woman (in fornication). The list could go on and on.

Many years ago I was involved in a congregation of perhaps 60 people and as I have thought about where all of these people are today, I am made to want to weep. So many have divorced. So many of these have remarried. And even some of these have divorced again. Surely there have been many instances of adultery in this group. I would think that you know of a like situation yourself.

Let’s remind ourselves of the way that God views marriage—the relationship that He Himself has instituted. He says that a violation of marriage by any immorality is sinful. He says that if someone fails to continue in the marriage relationship, that person grievously sins against the partner—and especially against God.

God (through Paul the apostle) says that we are not to be “deceived” for fornicators and adulterers” will not inherit the kingdom of God (1 Corinthians 6:9-10). If one commits immorality (of which adultery is a leading expression), he or she “will not inherit the kingdom of God” (Galatians 5:19-21). One who is “immoral” (of which adultery would be a leading expression) has no inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God (Ephesians 5:5-6). In fact, “the wrath of God” will be on one who sins in this manner (Colossians 3:5-7; cf. 1 Thessalonians 4:2-8). God will “judge” the adulterer (Hebrews 13:4). The “immoral” person (of which one expression is a violation of marriage will suffer in “the lake that burns with fire and brimstone” (Revelation 21:8; 22:15).

This shows us how important this subject is. We must never, never violate marriage by divorcing and remarrying another, particularly when this is done for a trivial cause. We will be held accountable before the tribunal of God in doing this. We must keep the marriage relationship intact.

As we mentioned before, in all things marriage is a highly vulnerable relationship. Thus, we urge all of our unmarried readers to bear this in mind when it comes to any contact with the opposite sex. God wants us to have a pure and holy relationship and this is meant to continue through life—not to be broken by whim or any fleshly decision. God calls us to have purity, to  have holiness, and to live in a life-long relationship (1 Thessalonians 4:2-8).

May God bless you through Christ Jesus and in the Holy Spirit in this and in all things!