Addendum:

Seeking God:

My Life through the Years, Part 29

My life and marriage.

We’ve already come to the end of this little presentation of my life, yet there are several matters that could be added. We do that at this point.

By age 50 or so, I concluded that God was not going to provide a wife thus I must make other arrangements. My plans and desires of earlier years in my life, that God would give me a dear wife at age 20 was now gone and all of the plans that I had made for that time must now be set aside as I continued with any more years that God would provide.

Yet I must confess that certain scriptures that I had depended on were primary to my seeking. For example, I relied on Psalm 84:11-12 which says: “The LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD gives grace and glory; no good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly. O LORD of hosts, how blessed is the man who trusts in You!”

Perhaps this also has been one of your favorites? It seemed to say to me that God, in His infinite wisdom and power, will give grace and glory. Was not marriage part of this? The scripture says that God would not withhold any “good thing” if I were to walk uprightly. I sought to walk righteously, thus why was it that God would not give that which obviously is a “good thing”? Then I read in Proverbs 18:22: “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD.” If God says that marriage (a proper and godly marriage) or a marriage partner is a “good thing,” why is it that God had not given me the “favor” of having such a wife? Also, in Proverbs 19:14b, we read that “a prudent wife is from the LORD.” Why does it seem that God had not given such a “prudent wife” to me?

Further, if we know how to give “good gifts” to our children, why had not God given me the “good gift” of a wife to be a “helper suitable” for me (Genesis 2:18)? How was I to fulfill the reason for my being here? These are questions that often went through my mind.

All of this made me wonder whether I was missing something or whether I just was not righteous enough. Could it be that my life lacked the truth and love that I needed to “qualify” for such a “good” wife?

So these are some of the considerations that I had in mind when I read Scripture relating to this subject.  Yet, I must confess that there are millions of other men (and women) who were in a similar circumstance. Perhaps they were not “upright” or righteous in their outlook? God had not given a “helper” to them either. Who did I think I was to have God answer my pleadings while millions of others did not?

These are a few of the considerations that came to me and helped somewhat: First, life was not really meant to be without problems. In marriage, problems do come and this is something that we must encounter and overcome if we would be pleasing to God.

Second, I must confess that part of my earlier perspective was without a firm Biblical basis. Yes, I did want to devote my life to Christ and wanted marriage to fit into this yearning. Yet perhaps it would have been difficult for God to use this view of life—for many reasons.

Third, even though I wondered why God had not given what I had earlier wanted, I must confess that He did use this time for His purposes—such as reading many volumes, writing many books, traveling various places, and the like. It is true that these were positive consequences to my situation, And bear in mind that this was not only an external situation but a sincerely-held and earnest perspective.

Fourth, I’m aware that there must be millions of couples that are sad, hopeless, and despairing. These couples are filled with confusion and strife, yet the husband or wife just can’t get out—without violating the will of God. I was able to avoid such difficulties.

Fifth, further, I am aware that many millions of families are beset with massive problems. Just think of America alone (but there are billions worldwide). If people have only one or two children (but, as you know, people may have 7 or 10 or more children), they all need to be educated, don’t they? Maybe 10 percent of families in the United States home school their children, a rather large number of over 5 million children.  But some countries have only 5, 2, or 1 percent of children who are home schooled. Some must have none!

The number of families who home-educate their children worldwide truly low. Think of the many who feel compelled to send their children to worldly schools, secular schools, and carnal schools. They may end up (and probably will) with 2 or 4 or 9 worldly, secularistic, even worldly children! This indeed would be a tragedy of monumental proportions.

Sixth, another “problem” that may come to families who are in the world, would be the financial pressures. If people want to be God-centered and wish to teach their children at home, how can this be done? If a family wishes to be thoroughly “Christian” in outlook, how can this be acceptable? Do you see what we mean by the “problems” of marriage and families?

Seventh, if a family wants to be thoroughly Christian, what are they to do when they can’t afford all of this? If a family wants for the wife and mother to stay at home—and they can’t afford this—what is to be done for them? Suppose that such a family lives in economic need and the wife needs to stay at home, how can this be worked out? If the family needs to move out of a terrible situation and go to a large house, with larger property, with larger property, just how can this be accomplished? If a family seeks to walk with Christ and they don’t want for the husband (and bread-winner) to work evenings or any other undesirable time, how can they do this? If they have 5 or 10 children, and they don’t have insurance, and a child gets seriously sick, what is to be in their case?

Of course, we could go on and on, but this superficially raises the question of serious problems in a Christian family. The Christian family who recognizes these matters must face them and if the couple still choose to marry, how can this be solved? If they are already married, how can they handle these serious issues?

Eighth, suppose that in a marriage, this family may have wanted all to be Christian and completely right in every way. But then the husband falls into apostasy, just what is the remaining one to do? (This would apply to a family that starts out well then one of the parties turns from the Lord in some significant way.) Such a family could end up in a very defective way with the one left not really feeling as though he or she is able to continue.

Right now, at this writing, we know of a family that purports to be “Christian” but after over fifty years, one person of the couple has renounced former commitments and the remaining one is completely heartbroken. We know that this has happened countless times over the years.

As we said above, we could go on and on, discussing the “problems” that can occur in a Marriage. For this reason, it sometimes is better to not become entangled with such a problem-filled union. We encourage you to read 1 Corinthians 7:25-40 and ask yourself if you are prepared to face such a “mess” like this. It is true that in some cases, God gives the needed grace to meet and overcome such difficulties as we have discussed above, but this is not guaranteed, as you know.

This has led me many times to the passage mentioned above. Paul’s advice is good. It is helpful and meaningful. We need to heed his counsel. Of course, this applies to two situations: First, it applies to a couple or family already attached. Second, it also applies to couples planning to wed. In either case, we need sound Biblical counsel. Even here, of course, there may be serious difficulties.

For instance, we know that there are millions of couples in the United States and the remainder of the world in which the couple is living in adultery. We know that such a couple like this must not continue as it is for there are disastrous consequences to adultery (see, for example, 1 Corinthians 6:9-10; Romans 1:24ff; Ephesians 5:3-7; Colossians 3:5-7; Hebrews 13:4).

This predicament does present problems, but there are multiplied millions who have planned and eventually taken such a step as marriage. Are you involved in one of these situations? Maybe you have deeply fallen for this sort of dream then this beautiful “dream” never materialized. Perhaps you thought things would be different and then you were willing to fall for the unrealistic “American dream” that the Hollywood industry has promulgated. We know that people have said that this situation and relationship would “work itself out and the “dream” would come to pass. But now you realize that you wanted an unworkable plan and wanted to find a “utopia” that never came about. Thus you’ve found a life of heartache, sadness, pain, and anguish.

Yours may be one of the countless marriages that have failed. Your plans have collapsed and your dreams never came true. Many of the elements mentioned above are true of you and now you know that you cannot Biblically start over. You are “locked in” to a bad situation and you must simply “bide your time” until it is all over. Some people simply give up and leave. They initiate a separation or a divorce with the thought that it will never get better. Or, tragically, some choose to take their life, thinking that this is the way out. (Sadly, we know that this only compounds their problems and they are sent to an eternal hell!)

Friend, we do hope you can see that you did make a dreadful, life-long mistake. But God knows how to redeem the situation and give you the grace to overcome. Let’s look to Him and find His power. Read Second Corinthians 12:7-10 to discover the Lord’s way out. You can do it, my friend. You can overcome and your life can become an overcoming victory!

A subject such as this seems to have no end to it, but this will give us something to deal with presently and in the future. We hope that this matter will stimulate you in your own thoughts and that this will broaden your horizons.