The Preacher’s Coffee

The Preacher’s Coffee!

Ben Bogard

I have a pleasant story, which I wish to tell in rhyme,
About a circuit preacher, who lived in recent time.
He was a circuit rider, for good John Wesley’s brand,
And rode the finest circuit, in all the blessed land.

At one of his good charges, some members, not a few,
Became quite sorely troubled, about the word ‘into.’
The good Book says quite plainly, in Acts in chapter eight,
‘ They went down into the water,’ as Baptist people state.

The preacher preached a sermon, of extra zeal and might,
And to his satisfaction, he set the passage right.
‘ Into’ does not mean ‘into,’ but only ‘at’ or ‘near by,’
They went down to the water, and got a small supply.

But near the place of worship, there lived a sister Brown,
And for her splendid cooking, she’d gained a great renown.
Her yellow-legged chickens, her luscious cakes and pies,
Had often made that preacher, roll up his weeping eyes.

And her delicious coffee, in all the circuit round,
The preacher oft admitted, its like could not be found.
So when he preached his sermon, with extra power and length,
He loved, at the Brown’s table, to revive his ebbing strength.

But sister Brown was a Baptist, the strongest in the land;
She oft reproved the Methodists, for changing God’s command.
She heard the preacher’s sermon, and thought the subject o’er;
Then asked him home for dinner, as he oft had done before.

She ground her good brown coffee, her kettle steaming hot,
And she put it ‘at’ or ‘near by,’ the famous coffee pot.
She poured her guest a cupful, (I think it was no sin);
” But you forgot, dear sister, to put the coffee in.”

“No, no, dear sir, that’s coffee; I ground a good supply,
And put it ‘at’ the kettle, (‘into’ is ‘at’ or ‘near by.’)
By the logic of your sermon; (I thought it rather thin),
If ‘at’ or ‘near by’ is ‘into,’ I put the coffee in.

So if you will truly promise, no more such stuff to teach,
I’ll go and make some coffee, in line with Bible speech.
And this time I will follow, instructions to the dot,
And put the coffee ‘into,’ not ‘at’ or ‘near by’ the pot!”

(The end)

Sequel to the Preacher’s Coffee

W. Curtis Porter

Just then in stepped a preacher, who wears a Bible name;
The simple name of ‘Christian,’ of apostolic fame.
God put into the Bible, no human names to wear,
And hence he was contented, the inspired mark to wear.

Then Mrs. Brown he questioned, if surely she’d admit,
Whether ‘into’ had the meaning, she had given it.
She said she would most surely, and who would dare say not?
” No coffee’s in the vessel, till put ‘into’ the pot!”

Then gently spoke the preacher; “Don’t censure preacher Jones;
You have spoken condemnation, to yourself in strongest tones.
No need to hold tradition; such never did suffice;
The Bible says that baptism, puts people ‘into’ Christ!”

“No, no,” replied the hostess; such preaching is a sin;
Sir, the preacher gives baptism, to those already in.”
” Well, well,” then spoke the preacher, “it surely gives me fun,
To see this faithful Baptist, throw down her Baptist gun.

“If ‘into’ has the meaning, you have given it at last,
Your shot at circuit riders, has gone into a blast!
Then Philip and the eunuch, went not ‘into’ the creek,
For they were ‘in’ already, and had been for a week!

“When Christians are invited ‘into’ that heavenly clime,
They’ll really not go ‘into’; they were in it all the time.
And when the Lord will banish, the wicked ‘into’ hell;

They’ll merely stay ‘in’ pleasures, on earth they love so well!
” You thought you put the coffee, ‘into’ the coffee pot;
But it was ‘in’ already, and really boiling hot.
Now, Mrs. Brown, please promise, that you’ll not have the gall,

To hit folks with the Bible, unless you take it all.
” The Bible says so plainly (to which you have referred),
‘ They went down into the water,’ I trust its every word.
It tells us that the righteous, go ‘into’ mansions fair;
It tells us that the wicked, go down ‘into’ despair.

“It tells us just as surely, not only once, but twice;
That that which is called ‘baptism,’ puts people ‘into’ Christ.
Now take it all, dear lady; false preachers you can rout,
Or else just raise the window, and throw the Bible out!”

(The End)

(References: Acts 8:36-39; Romans 6:3; Galatians 3:27)

 

 

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