Families Divided! Comments


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Families Divided!


  1. alvinjennings says:

    Richard, your studies are good and true.
    About divorce. Has a wife divorced her husband by leaving him and staying separated for years?
    Some scholars say desertion is the same a divorce, whether there is a written decree or not, that the definition of the word itself means separate. If a wife stays separated and refuses to communicate or consider returning to her husband, does he sin by seeking legal separation of their property, funds, furniture, etc. If a man separates from his wife, puts her away, he owes her a bill of divorcement so she can seek other husband, right?

    • Alvin, you are dealing with a difficult subject, one that has concerned many people over the years. I don’t have all of the answers for questions relating to marriage, divorce, separation, remarriage, and others.

      We know that under Moses, one was required to give ” certificate of divorce” (Matthew 5:31-32). Yet I have read that our form of separation, legal separation, was unknown in NT times. Instead, when one did separate, this in itself was a divorcement.

      Paul wrote that “the wife should not leave her husband” (1 Corinthians 7:10). Further, of course, “the husband should not divorce his wife” (v. 11). But the apostle also says that a woman who does leave her husband “must remain unmarried” and we further read that the husband she left is still considered “her husband” (v. 11).

      The question of whether this separated woman (or man) is considered “divorced” is the question. Of course, we know that one who divorces apart from fornication (immorality) is not to remarry (Matthew 19:9).

      One problem that I’ve wrestled with is this: I think that even those who strongly oppose separation, divorce, and remarriage, seem to make allowance for one to separate from a spouse if that spouse has been physically abusive, or has molested the children, or has beat the children, or done other despicable things. Are we to consider such a person as divorced?

      I can’t say that I have the final word on these things, Alvin. Nor do I have the final word on whether it is ever proper to appeal to the Law in regard to such a separation. The question of dividing personal items and joint owned items, is such a difficult one. I wish I knew more of the answer here.

      May God bless you and lead us both to a better understanding of His will about this very difficult subject!

  2. Family matters…………..
    Luk 12:51 Suppose ye that I am come to give peace on earth? I tell you, Nay; but rather division:
    Luk 12:52 For from henceforth there shall be five in one house divided, three against two, and two against three.
    Luk 12:53 The father shall be divided against the son, and the son against the father; the mother against the daughter, and the daughter against the mother; the mother in law against her daughter in law, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
    Mat 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
    Mat 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
    Mat 10:36 And a man’s foes shall be they of his own household.
    Mat 10:37 He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.
    Mat 10:38 And he that taketh not his cross, and followeth after me, is not worthy of me.
    I am at my wits end here on some decisions I have made recently, and was hoping I could get some feedback from you when you get a chance, I will try to make this brief.
    I know since I came to a saving faith, and came out of the churches I have been in conflict with my family, and now I live with my elderly father who has Parkinson’s disease, I work part time in my profession, and like you have come out of much idolatry and indulgence to life a simple life.
    When I came out of the church about 7 years ago, and came to the knowledge of the truth, I went and warned my family wholeheartedly, as also my brother who is very stubborn, and very successful, I never had a relationship with him his family as well as my father’s brothers and sisters. Most of them are in the church system, and have constantly refused the truth, they invite me to their parties or holiday functions, but now I feel I have been in compromise, since time and again they refuse any truth. They like to drink, some smoke, watch sports, etc., and will always invite me, or accept me, but not the truth, I was told that as long as they accept you and don’t forsake you that you should still go, but if they don’t accept you anymore then you don’t go and separate.
    But its the truth I think Jesus was talking about that divides, and I told my brother I won’t attend their gatherings anymore, told them I love them, but don’t feel comfortable in that environment anymore, and invited him and his family to come and study the bible with me because the church he attends in in grave error, of course he got mad and angry with me like he does, he refused any truth, and thinks I am men, and hateful, even though I explained to him why I don’t feel comfortable going over there, while they live like the world, refuse truth, and I just sit there like a good boy, say nothing, and just get along and enjoy a meal with them.
    I was told then that I could then just stop by their house when they have these parties, bring some gifts, smile, tell them I love them but not stay just leave, but I don’t see Jesus and the apostles doing this even with family when they constantly reject the truth, in fact Jesus said, to dust feet and move on. I know if I have a good relationship with my brother and his family it may be different, I don’t know, but all the young children don’t know me they moved away for a long time, then came back, so I am not sure going there to make an appearance with gifts then leaving it is right.
    I know the scriptures I quoted about, and I know why Jesus said these things, and I hope that living with my elderly father is not wrong, he accepts me sharing the truth with him, and is a moral man, and I can look to get a cheap rental and move out and completely separate from them all, I don’t know, we are told to honor our parents, but never compromise with them.
    I know you are married, and not sure your family situation, but when it comes to truth there will be division as you know, and of course my father and family see me as mean, hateful, sinless perfect, self-righteous. In my decisions.


    • Hello Tommy,
      I read your comments with interest and can feel for what you are going through. Like you, I have left the church system that has departed from the primitive way of doing things. Like you, I long ago found that there was a great gulf between me and people I’ve known. Most of my life, I was a celibate single but more recently God gave me a wife. But for most of my life, I was alone, living a distance from family, thus I didn’t have to deal with some of the difficulties that you deal with.

      I heartily agree with the passages of Scripture that you listed there, plus there are several more like them. They are to be taken seriously and followed, out of commitment to Jesus who must always have the priority in our life (such as Matthew 10:34-37 says).

      But there are other passages that you mentioned, where it says that we are to honor our parents (Ephesians 6:1-3) and this honor must be given to our brothers and sisters and other family members as well.

      God knows the dilemma that we face. We want to separate ourselves from the worldly church setting with its manifold false teachings and worldliness, but we want to love and show a sincere interest in our family as well as others. Of course, we want to avoid any compromise along the way (many passages would say this–James 1:27; 4:4; 1 John 2:15-17; 2 Corinthians 6:14-17; etc.).

      Tommy, I would just encourage you to have limited contact with them. Show love in every way you can, without being contaminated by their false ways and worldliness, but let them know that you are trying to humbly obey the Lord in all things. And you want to keep your conscience clear by abstaining from anything wrong.

      This is a delicate balance, Tommy, but God will help you. You seem to know Scripture well and I hope that you will continue to read articles on this website that will help you (www.Truediscipleship.com). I do hope to present one or two articles dealing with following Jesus when in difficult circumstances, including difficult marriages. But this may take a while before this can be presented.

      In the meanwhile, may God help you to seek His will and do His will to the extent that you understand it. May God bless you!

  3. I seperated for a 1 yr now from my husband..my walk with Christ has been back and forth my whole life. Committed now for about 4 6 months. Many issues with my husband and I . he blames my son (we have two children each from previous marriages) for me leaving but that was straw broke camels back that son was saved about 6 months ago.(praise the Lord) but I find myself nor wanting to live like this anyone. I can’t go back and feel my only option is divorce but fear the worse on judgement day when god calls on me if I do that. Feeling lost and confused. Thank you and god bless.💜

    • Thank you for writing, Jami, and for telling us about your marital issues. Surely, you walk has been difficult during this time. Further, I do sense your desire to believe and obey God although this is difficult in the midst of this chaos.

      I may not have all of the answers for your dilemma, Jamie, but God has given us several points in His Word that will help us. First, it is good that you want to obey God even when this is difficult. You seem to fear what will happen on Judgment Day if you go ahead with divorce. Apparently, this divorce would be for reasons other than your husband’s infidelity or adultery. Is this true?

      Currently, in January of 2017, there is a leading article on the home page of Truediscipleship.com on the reasons for divorce and how adultery figures into this. It would be good for you to read that article and consider what God is saying.

      You say that you have been married before and have a child from that marriage, plus your husband has been married before and has a child from that marriage also. In our day, these “blended” families do bring challenges and struggles. Maybe it would be good for you to consider whether you divorced your first husband on the grounds of his adultery against you. Also, it would be good for your present husband to consider whether he divorced his first wife on the grounds of her own adultery against him. If this wasn’t so, then it would be important for both of you to ask whether either or both of you may not have had the Biblical grounds to divorce your first spouses and marry each other.

      If your study of God’s Word should somehow reveal that you and he are legitimately married in God’s sight, as difficult as it may be, it would be best for you both to humble yourselves before God and each other and seek forgiveness. When God is involved in the marriage, He can work out even seemingly “impossible” relationships.

      However, my strong suspicion is that perhaps neither you nor he had any Biblical grounds to marry each other. If this were true, you both may be presently living in adultery—an adulterous relationship. See especially Matthew 5:31-32; 19:9; Mark 10:11-12; Luke 16:18; Romans 7:2-3, as well as 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 and Hebrews 13:4.

      I’m so sorry that your two children are involved in this marital problem. We would like for them to be preserved from such strife.

      Thus, I would encourage you to examine the Scriptures carefully and determine if you are living in adultery. This you must do and you must cease this sin—in case you are presently living in it. On the other hand, if there is any possibility that you and your husband are not living in adultery, then try to work out this relationship with God’s compassionate and wise help.
      May God bless you, Jami.

  4. Hello – Your article picked me up. I have been saved for about 8 yrs. and my walk with The Lord has been all over the place. So far it has been a lonely walk, but God’s demonstrate’s his power to me. What joy to experience his faithfulness during moments I am far away from him.

    • Marie, I am so glad that you wrote and expressed your commitment to walk with the Lord. God does want to save us from eternal wrath (anger) (1 Thessalonians 1:9-10 and 5:9-10) as well as living a meaningless life (2 Corinthians 5:14-15, 17). We are to live in faith and obedience out of love for God (John 14:15, 21-24). I hope that you will continue to read True Discipleship website and learn more. There are now about 1,800 different articles to choose from! May God bless you!

  5. Hileng Santos says:

    Thank you for your explanation, this really help me. But what do I do if my husband doesn’t listen to me, goes to church on Wednesday and Sunday but doesn’t read the bible and pray and doesn’t want to forsake his addicting and destructive habits which costs a lot of money and goes to church only to appease me. I’ve been praying for too long.

    • Hello to you, my friend….

      I’m very glad that you chose to write to True Discipleship and share your predicament. I believe that marital differences and marital division are problems that weigh heavy on numerous sincere women in this country and through the world.

      When we study Scripture and read the instructions that God gives in dealing with these marital issues, we may assume that all will be well. Only if we submit ourselves to the Word of God, will all go well and both husband and wife will be united in Christ and united with each other.

      This is the way it is supposed to work, but you have found and thousands of others have discovered that differences do not always disappear. Here are a few comments that must be applied in each situation, according to the need:

      1. We must always put God first in every situation. You know the Scriptures–that we are to seek the kingdom of God first (Matthew 6:33). Jesus is to have first place in all things (Colossians 1:18), and the greatest of all commands is to love God with all of our heart, soul, mind, and strength (Mark 12:28-31).

      2. The wife is to submit to her husband. This includes a saved and obedient husband (apparently presupposed in Ephesians 5:22-33) as well as a disobedient or even unsaved husband (1 Peter 3:1ff).

      3. There is an exception to the obedience that the wife is to render. God must come before the husband. While some theology today would say that the wife must even sin for her husband, this is a false doctrine that must be repudiated. When there is a conflict between what a husband wants and what God wants, a wife must always put God first. “We must obey God rather than man” (Acts 5:29; see 4:18-19).

      4. A wife can encourage her husband to read his Bible, to pray, to seek God’s will, to instruct the children, to be a good example to the family, and much more. Of course, this is what a husband/father should be and do. But even if he doesn’t do what he should, the wife should not become bitter, resentful, angry, or rebellious. She is still required to submit–as far as doing so doesn’t conflict with the will of God.

      5. The wife should seek God and His will herself. Regardless of a husband’s response or lack of response, the wife must become the most loving, kind, and patient person possible. She is to add the various virtues that God seeks in our life (see 1 Peter 3:3-4; 2 Peter 1:5-11; Galatians 5:22-24). She should pray that God will break through the husband’s exterior and bring him to repentance and a seeking after God.

      6. Finally, the wife should make sure of her own salvation. Many wives live an exemplary life but they simply have not genuinely been saved. Consider this yourself. You will find many articles on this website (www.Truediscipleship.com) that should help you.

      I hope that these thoughts will help you to find a solution to your dilemma. Remember that God loves you and wants to bring comfort to your heart as you carry out His will in practical ways in your marriage.

  6. Dear Warren…. Thank you for writing and sharing your experience. From what you say, you are living the word before your children. By this I take it that you mean you are seeing to be filled with faith or trust as well as submissive obedience to the Lord (Hebrews 11; 10:36; 1 John 2:17). With so many temptations and pressures in this world, we can see how difficult it is for even our loved ones to remain true. Continue to walk in faith and obedience. Also, look at your own life to determine whether there is any inconsistencies that need to be changed. I wasn’t sure of your reference to a “blended family,” but often this means that a couple are living in an illegitimate, adulterous union and this could cause resentment in others. On the other hand, hopefully you and your wife are being true to the Lord in all areas. In such a case, I do hope that your children will finally humble themselves and seek the Lord’s favor. May God bless you!

  7. Elder Warren Adams says:

    That was a very nice article! My wife and I are living the Word before our oldest and youngest children (27 and 31 years old). We are a blended family, having been married almost 16 years now. These two children were raised in the church, but like some, have decided to live a life contrary to the Word of God, and chose to do their own thing. The fruit of their lifestyle is not good, and we’re just praying for them to be saved. Pray for the Adams household. Thanks.

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