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I seperated for a 1 yr now from my husband..my walk with Christ has been back and forth my whole life. Committed now for about 4 6 months. Many issues with my husband and I . he blames my son (we have two children each from previous marriages) for me leaving but that was straw broke camels back that son was saved about 6 months ago.(praise the Lord) but I find myself nor wanting to live like this anyone. I can’t go back and feel my only option is divorce but fear the worse on judgement day when god calls on me if I do that. Feeling lost and confused. Thank you and god bless.💜
Thank you for writing, Jami, and for telling us about your marital issues. Surely, you walk has been difficult during this time. Further, I do sense your desire to believe and obey God although this is difficult in the midst of this chaos.
I may not have all of the answers for your dilemma, Jamie, but God has given us several points in His Word that will help us. First, it is good that you want to obey God even when this is difficult. You seem to fear what will happen on Judgment Day if you go ahead with divorce. Apparently, this divorce would be for reasons other than your husband’s infidelity or adultery. Is this true?
Currently, in January of 2017, there is a leading article on the home page of Truediscipleship.com on the reasons for divorce and how adultery figures into this. It would be good for you to read that article and consider what God is saying.
You say that you have been married before and have a child from that marriage, plus your husband has been married before and has a child from that marriage also. In our day, these “blended” families do bring challenges and struggles. Maybe it would be good for you to consider whether you divorced your first husband on the grounds of his adultery against you. Also, it would be good for your present husband to consider whether he divorced his first wife on the grounds of her own adultery against him. If this wasn’t so, then it would be important for both of you to ask whether either or both of you may not have had the Biblical grounds to divorce your first spouses and marry each other.
If your study of God’s Word should somehow reveal that you and he are legitimately married in God’s sight, as difficult as it may be, it would be best for you both to humble yourselves before God and each other and seek forgiveness. When God is involved in the marriage, He can work out even seemingly “impossible” relationships.
However, my strong suspicion is that perhaps neither you nor he had any Biblical grounds to marry each other. If this were true, you both may be presently living in adultery—an adulterous relationship. See especially Matthew 5:31-32; 19:9; Mark 10:11-12; Luke 16:18; Romans 7:2-3, as well as 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 and Hebrews 13:4.
I’m so sorry that your two children are involved in this marital problem. We would like for them to be preserved from such strife.
Thus, I would encourage you to examine the Scriptures carefully and determine if you are living in adultery. This you must do and you must cease this sin—in case you are presently living in it. On the other hand, if there is any possibility that you and your husband are not living in adultery, then try to work out this relationship with God’s compassionate and wise help.
May God bless you, Jami.
Hello – Your article picked me up. I have been saved for about 8 yrs. and my walk with The Lord has been all over the place. So far it has been a lonely walk, but God’s demonstrate’s his power to me. What joy to experience his faithfulness during moments I am far away from him.
Marie, I am so glad that you wrote and expressed your commitment to walk with the Lord. God does want to save us from eternal wrath (anger) (1 Thessalonians 1:9-10 and 5:9-10) as well as living a meaningless life (2 Corinthians 5:14-15, 17). We are to live in faith and obedience out of love for God (John 14:15, 21-24). I hope that you will continue to read True Discipleship website and learn more. There are now about 1,800 different articles to choose from! May God bless you!
Thank you for your explanation, this really help me. But what do I do if my husband doesn’t listen to me, goes to church on Wednesday and Sunday but doesn’t read the bible and pray and doesn’t want to forsake his addicting and destructive habits which costs a lot of money and goes to church only to appease me. I’ve been praying for too long.
Hello to you, my friend….
I’m very glad that you chose to write to True Discipleship and share your predicament. I believe that marital differences and marital division are problems that weigh heavy on numerous sincere women in this country and through the world.
When we study Scripture and read the instructions that God gives in dealing with these marital issues, we may assume that all will be well. Only if we submit ourselves to the Word of God, will all go well and both husband and wife will be united in Christ and united with each other.
This is the way it is supposed to work, but you have found and thousands of others have discovered that differences do not always disappear. Here are a few comments that must be applied in each situation, according to the need:
1. We must always put God first in every situation. You know the Scriptures–that we are to seek the kingdom of God first (Matthew 6:33). Jesus is to have first place in all things (Colossians 1:18), and the greatest of all commands is to love God with all of our heart, soul, mind, and strength (Mark 12:28-31).
2. The wife is to submit to her husband. This includes a saved and obedient husband (apparently presupposed in Ephesians 5:22-33) as well as a disobedient or even unsaved husband (1 Peter 3:1ff).
3. There is an exception to the obedience that the wife is to render. God must come before the husband. While some theology today would say that the wife must even sin for her husband, this is a false doctrine that must be repudiated. When there is a conflict between what a husband wants and what God wants, a wife must always put God first. “We must obey God rather than man” (Acts 5:29; see 4:18-19).
4. A wife can encourage her husband to read his Bible, to pray, to seek God’s will, to instruct the children, to be a good example to the family, and much more. Of course, this is what a husband/father should be and do. But even if he doesn’t do what he should, the wife should not become bitter, resentful, angry, or rebellious. She is still required to submit–as far as doing so doesn’t conflict with the will of God.
5. The wife should seek God and His will herself. Regardless of a husband’s response or lack of response, the wife must become the most loving, kind, and patient person possible. She is to add the various virtues that God seeks in our life (see 1 Peter 3:3-4; 2 Peter 1:5-11; Galatians 5:22-24). She should pray that God will break through the husband’s exterior and bring him to repentance and a seeking after God.
6. Finally, the wife should make sure of her own salvation. Many wives live an exemplary life but they simply have not genuinely been saved. Consider this yourself. You will find many articles on this website (www.Truediscipleship.com) that should help you.
I hope that these thoughts will help you to find a solution to your dilemma. Remember that God loves you and wants to bring comfort to your heart as you carry out His will in practical ways in your marriage.
Dear Warren…. Thank you for writing and sharing your experience. From what you say, you are living the word before your children. By this I take it that you mean you are seeing to be filled with faith or trust as well as submissive obedience to the Lord (Hebrews 11; 10:36; 1 John 2:17). With so many temptations and pressures in this world, we can see how difficult it is for even our loved ones to remain true. Continue to walk in faith and obedience. Also, look at your own life to determine whether there is any inconsistencies that need to be changed. I wasn’t sure of your reference to a “blended family,” but often this means that a couple are living in an illegitimate, adulterous union and this could cause resentment in others. On the other hand, hopefully you and your wife are being true to the Lord in all areas. In such a case, I do hope that your children will finally humble themselves and seek the Lord’s favor. May God bless you!
That was a very nice article! My wife and I are living the Word before our oldest and youngest children (27 and 31 years old). We are a blended family, having been married almost 16 years now. These two children were raised in the church, but like some, have decided to live a life contrary to the Word of God, and chose to do their own thing. The fruit of their lifestyle is not good, and we’re just praying for them to be saved. Pray for the Adams household. Thanks.
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