Communication in Marriage


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Communication in Marriage

Communication Projects for a Christian Husband and Wife

Mary Elizabeth Cravens

1. Write all the things you and your mate have in common. Thank God for these and build on them.

2. Try to do something each week or two that you enjoyed doing together in the early days of your marriage or before you were married.

3. Make a list of your husband’s good qualities. (You used to know some!)

4. Tell your husband each day a different quality that you appreciate in him. (Be on the lookout for new, good qualities in him.)

5. When you exhaust that list, pay him a different compliment each day. (This may take creativity.)

6. Figure out what tells your husband, “I love you.” Then do that often.

7. Set aside a sharing time that will be convenient for both of you. This is a daily time when you can be alone to talk over anything that is on your minds. Talk over your thoughts, ideas, feelings, experiences.

8. Do not allow “problem talk” to become a habit. Problems must be discussed; however, this special sharing time is to be pleasant. Call a special other time to discuss one problem at a time. Do not even call it unless you are really after a solution rather than an argument or to prove something.

9. Discuss with each other your goals and dreams, one at a time, each person taking turns.

10. List as many ways as you can think of to put your husband first (Phil. 2:3,4).

11. Begin studying your husband to find his special needs. (He has some.) List these needs and pray about them daily.

12. List your special needs. Pray about them daily. When you feel that your communication is better, discuss one of your needs with him lovingly.

13. When needed, begin a discussion, “I feel really loved and appreciated by you when you…”

14. Explain to him, “I am saying, ‘I love you,’ when I…”

15. Eliminate negative accusations and add positive suggestions: “Let’s have our dessert in the living room. I’d like to talk to you.” NOT “What’s wrong with you? You never pay any attention to me.” Avoid hostile questions.

16. Watch your words. Try to eliminate words like “fault,” “never,” and “always.”

17. Go for a week without raising your voice to your husband (one day at a time). Make this a life goal.

18. Make a list of all the things you like about your marriage as it is NOW. Ask him to do the same. Then, in your daily sharing time, begin using these as love talk.

19. Make a list of the things that would make up the kind of relationship you want to have in one year from now, five years, ten years. Later, when you feel that you and he are ready, discuss this list with him lovingly.

20. Begin to use your imagination for performing thoughtful gestures. Approach gently at first with understanding, patience. Do a very simple act first, like doing one of his tasks for him (taking garbage out etc.).

21. List ways that you could foster an atmosphere in which intimacy can grow.

22. Make the home more interesting and beautiful for your husband. Do not be so predictable. Have lunch on the porch one day; have unusual placemats; eat in the living room another day. This makes life more interesting.

23. Set some traditions for your communicating. Plan together so that this is something both of you enjoy and can do without upsetting the schedule. Be flexible if his plans change. This can be something you have already done many times since your wedding day, or you can begin some new things: having breakfast out on Saturday morning; eating in front of the fireplace or in bed one day of the week; eating at “our place,” or walking “our route.”

24. Share in your world of ideas: read a book together; read another one separately and then discuss it; study an issue of joint concern; discuss a stimulating speech.

25. Share experiences of beauty at least twice a week: enjoying together beautiful music, sunrise or sunset, a painting , a poem.

26. Learn at least one game or sport that you can do together. Forget your bashfulness and the fact that he does so much better. Just do it in order to be together. If you already do one together, learn another one (a new one each year).

27. Create something together: a garden; flower box; do a painting together; build something to give to your children next Christmas or for a birthday; help each other grow; feed the heart hungers of each other; bring out the potential of your mate.

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